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I am going to start out by saying that as you read this you may think I'm crazy, but thats OK, I have accepted that most of my friends and family do. I am an animal lover. I have three cats, a rabbit, and three rats who are my babies. I know, most people freak out over the rat thing, but they are wonderful animals no matter what anyone says. Anyway, my animals have really been a huge comfort to me in the last few months. They are always there, willing to listen, and they give you unconditional love. ...

Well, Mothers Day was an awful day for me but not for the reasons I would have thought. I was sick the entire day and slept most of it away.

As far as the rest of it went it was really the days leading up to it that were the hardest. At work I decorate cakes, and Mother's Day is a busy holiday for cake orders. It was a constant reminder of the day that I couldn't celebrate...at least not the way I wanted to. I also got the question 'are you a mother?' quite a few times over the course ...

As Mothers Day approaches I think about how my life would be different if my baby was still here. My apartment feels empty, missing something, even though he never came home. All the dreams I had with the nursery and all of his "firsts" taking place here. It feels so empty and quiet, all of his stuff still in place, still waiting to be used. The door to the nursery always closed, just a plain door, but still a constant reminder of whats behind it and all the of the dreams that ...

Happy Easter! I thought about doing something, making an easter basket or something to that affect. But I feel so weird doing things like that. One of the hardest things is not knowing what the best way to handle things are. It just isn't something you can ever prepare for.

I went to Virginia this weekend on a mini vacation with some friends and everything seemed to remind me of Gabe. You never realize how many babies are around until you loose your own. I either want to run and hide ...

Gabe,
My precious, perfect baby boy. Its been two months since i let you go, I miss you more than anything. I dream of you every night. My heart and arms ache and sometimes I wonder how I am supposed to make it through another day. I find a strength I did not know I had. I have found a new depth to my soul. I never new such a love existed. I obsess over your memory and I can't stop. It is so hard to keep faith during this time. I need to know you are in a better place, but its so hard to ...