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It has been almost 2 weeks since we put Sienna in her mausoleum drawer. it was an extremely emotionally difficult day but with it has come unexpected peace in my heart. I know she is where she needs to be and I'm surprised at how I am doing. I actually feel good. They allowed me to place her in the crypt instead of taking her from me. Usually they don't allow family members back there while they are sealing up the crypt, but they allowed me and my husband to lay her in there and place the letters ...

It has been a month since Anya was diagnosed, and I have about 4 months to go of the pregnancy. I am so tired, not really physically, I was able to take a walk today and felt good- but just emotionally. At work today at one point I just felt very dull, going through the motions, not the worst I have felt since this all started but like I just didn't, couldn't care anymore about anything. Tomorrow is the MRI, then the next the echo and dicussion of results. Every other time I have gone for an appointment ...

Today was a day like no other. The morning routine was the same as always. Axel was running around on the floor while Jando slept in late. I was watching an espisode of 16 & Pregnant when Axel made his way towards me. He stands up leans in his head and lays it on my knee and says "MOM, MOM!" I looked down and was taken aback. This little red headed boy that had been only saying "DADA" for the passed few months finally said "MOM." I was so happy I looked up ready ...

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can i love
when i'm afraid to fall
but watching you stand alone
all of my doubt
suddenly goes away somehow
one step closer

i have died everyday waiting for you
darling, don't be afraid i have loved you
for a thousand years
i'll love you for a thousand more

time stands still
beauty in all she is
i will be brave
i will not let anything

...

Sienna was put to rest on last Saturday, ...a day that will live in my memories forever. Our priest said some wonderful things...one thing he kept repeating was "do not let your hearts be troubled" I think alot of parents on here who choose what we chose have troubled hearts. We got Sienna beautiful white roses in a pink vase with Precious Daughter inscribed on the ribbon. The nameplate was difficult to look at. How can I be burying one of my children at 27? Why did this happen to ...