Hi everyone! I have moved this blog onto a different website which is just a bit easier for me to update everyone on. Please come take a look at:

http://corinscrazylife.blogspot.com

I have also started a blog for New England CHREUBS members. It's a work in progress right now, but check back soon for more stuff! You can find it at:

http://newenglandcherubs.wordpress.com/

Well, again I have been meaning to update my blog for awhile now, but time has gotten away from me. I don't even know where to begin.

My birthday was a great one this year. Although I did not enjoy turning 25, just seems closer to 30 than I'd like-lol. Anyway, we drove out to Ohio for a CHERUBS picnic weekend and has a GREAT time. I know it will be the last trip for awhile so we really made the best of it. We stopped in PA to see Kate (another CHERUBS member) who was prego with twins, and delivered them a few days after we left :) Nate is having me get a tattoo for my birthday of Ayla's feet, but I still have yet to actually get it done. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks.

We are moving!!! Very excited about it. We found a great little duplex in Hope Valley. It's sooo much bigger than the place we have here and its in RI so it will be closer to family. I can't wait to get in there. Of course now comes the tedious chore of packing and cleaning for the next few weeks. This also means I have to find a new job. I'm going to start looking for a waitressing position for awhile until I figure out what my next step career wise will be.

Makayla is almost 8 months old and is doing wonderfully. She is reaching tons of milestones and is getting ready to crawl. I think it will be any day now.... I've started looking for a Halloween costume for her. There are so many cute ones out there it's hard to choose!

Gabe's birthday is fast approaching. It's hard to imagine he would be 2 years old. We are planning a Bowl-A-Thon on November 16th in his memory. I NEED to plan something to keep busy and keep the day positive. I'm really hoping it will be a success. Invitations will go out next week. Everyone is invited and welcome to participate so if you don't receive an invitation but would like to join us, please let me know!

Well, I guess thats enough rambling for now. I will try to update again soon!

[b:a199c10ba3]Your Baby is 21 Months Old! [/b:a199c10ba3]

Yup-he would have been. But he died....so instead he will forever be 2 months old.

Today was just one of those rough days that pop up every now and then. At least they are a lot less frequent. It started with a dream: I had two beautiful kids. One little girl and one little boy. The little boy was about two, was running around and had a mouth full of teeth. I looked at him and realized that I didn't remember him getting that big-or having any teeth. I asked him when he had grown...and he replied that I had missed it all b/c I was paying all my attention to Ayla.

Well, I think that's a pretty easy dream to interpret. I feel that nagging guilt that I am moving on with my life. No big revelation-it just sucks.

Then I got the mail, and right on top was a pampers flyer for pull ups that read: Your baby is 21 months old! Most days I could just toss it aside... but today it felt like a slap in the face. Ugh-yep, just one of those days.

This summer so far has been so busy! Looking back at the last time I wrote here, so much has gone on since.

We had Makayla baptized a few weeks ago. The baptism went well, Makayla was great! She looked like a doll all dressed up in her gown and bonnet. We had a lot more people show up to the after party than we expected, but it was great! It was so nice to have most of our family and a few friends there to celebrate with us. It was a beautiful (although a little hot) day.

We went to Raleigh, North Carolina for the CHERUBS conference-which was amazing! I really enjoyed meeting and spending time with some of the members I have been talking to the last 1 1/2 years. The whole weekend was great. The Angel Ball was beautiful-so romantic, the conference was very informative with some truly amazing speakers, the rest of the time we spent getting to know everyone and having fun. I don't think I have had that much fun in a long time.

Nate and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary July 31st. We actually didn't do much the day of since it was a work day for Nate, but we celebrated early with another couple, Jay and Brianna, and had a great time. They cooked us dinner and we went out to a late night comedy show. It was great to have a night away from baby-although I couldn't stop thinking about her the entire time :)

This summer has been a whirlwind and I can't believe it's almost over! I haven't even made it to the beach once this year or gone camping with Nate like we had hoped. Makayla is almost 6 months old...I sure wish time would slow down!

I haven't written in a bit, not for lack of things to write, but lack of time. We have been keeping busy. This month we have traveled to PA for a CHERUBS camping trip, went to Cape Cod for Fathers Day with Nate's family, and visited Boston to meet up with some local CHERUBS members for a zoo trip. Life has been busy, but good.

Makayla is doing great! At her last appointment she measured in at 26 1/4" tall and 14 lbs 12 oz! She is in the 98th percentile in height. She continues to amaze us everyday. There is nothing better in life than walking into her nursery first thing in the morning and seeing her break out into a giant toothless smile as she grabs her feet and babbles. Today we went out and got her a jumper entertainment station-which she loves! It is so cute to watch her excitement at all the new toys.

We have a date set for her baptism. It will be the second sunday in July, so we have yet another event to plan! I look forward to it!

I have been thinking about getting another tattoo for my birthday and think I have decided on what I am getting! I want to get Ayla's footprints above Gabe's on my leg, and underneath Gabe's footprints around my ankle I am going to get an "anklet" type tattoo which will come out onto my foot and have an awareness ribbon on the end. I know most people think I'm nuts with my tattoos, but I think this will be the perfect way to finish off under Gabe's feet.

Well, there is so much more going on right now, but I don't have the time to type it all. Hopefully I will be able to update again soon!

It's been a little while since I've updated here. Life has been hectic but I am trying to enjoy the little moments.

Work is going well. It's hard getting up so early, but I love being out before the day really gets started. Being home with Makayla during the day is so rewarding.

Makayla is doing great. We continue to see improvement in her arm. She has started to hold things and is even starting to be able to put her binky back in her mouth on occasion :) She smiles constantly and can brighten my day in an instant with that beautiful toothless grin of hers. We have our daily "talks" as she is becoming more animated every day. She coos and mumbles and I think I have even heard a laugh or two! I love to watch her as her personality emerges.

My MIL and I have started a new project with CHERUBS. Gabriel's Gift is a project we have started to provide new and expectant parents of CDH babies with a tote bag filled with things they may need in the NICU. We are working very hard to get donations to put these together and hope to be able to start sending some out by the end of the summer. For more information on Gabriel's Gifts check out Gabe's website at: http://www.gabriel-nava.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=8297&page_no=6

Happy Mothers Day!!!!

Well, today was definitely an easier day to go through than it was last year. Makayla being here makes me feel like a mom, finally. The day was still very bittersweet, not having both my children here with me makes me feel empty and reminds me that I have a huge piece missing. But Makayla reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for. I am thankful to have her to give all my love and attention, and I am also so thankful to have had my time with Gabe too. I love being a mother. It gives meaning to my life. I hope both my angels know how much I love them.

Nate made me such a sweet, beautiful card! I couldn't believe how cute and caring he was. It has pictures of *all* my babies in it-animals included :) It reminded me of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful guy!

I also got my mothers day present in the mail! I ordered a pair of "dog tag" pendants with copies of Makayla and Gabe's feet on one side and their names, bdates, times, and weights engraved on the back. Now they can both stay next to my heart always :)

Hoping everyone had a wonderful Mothers Day!

Things are going well. We are starting to settle into a schedule and work is going smoothly so far. Makayla has started sleeping through the night! We put her in her crib last night for the first time, which I think was more difficult on me than it was on her. I am so used to having her sleep in the cradle next to me... I hated not being able to just reach over to check on her. I'm sure I will get used to it, but right now even though she is only in the next room over I feel like she is a world away. I never thought I would be one of those "paranoid, crazy" moms, but life has changed me this last year and a half.

Makayla's physical therapy is also going very well. Her arm is improving drastically and its so nice to see her moving it around and reaching for things with it. She still has a long way to go, but her progress so far is amazing!

This summer is getting booked very quickly. We have so many plans for June and July I can't wait! I am going on 3 CHERUBS events: a camping trip in PA, a zoo trip in Boston, and the CHERUBS conference weekend in NC! I am so excited to meet the people that I have been talking to over this last year! We also plan on getting Makayla baptized in July! So many things to do and plan, this summer is going to be a great one!

This week has been a busy one. I started back to work part time. Its nice to get out of the house a bit, but its tough getting on a new schedule. I will be working early mornings so that I can be back in time for Nate to go in to work. Not happy about having to get up at 3 am, but at least I am out before the day even begins.

We went to see some family this week which was nice. Makayla got to meet more of her relatives and luckily it was a warm beautiful day so we were able to enjoy the time outdoors! I can't wait to be able to do that more often!

Today Makayla is officially 55 days old. 55 days, such a short period of time that has gone by so quickly. That was all we got to spend with our little angel, 55 days. I look at Makayla today and I think about how every day from here on was a day that Gabe did not get. Every little milestone is one that Gabe did not reach. It sucks how grief never really ends, it just keeps coming back and biting me in the butt when I least expect it.

Just have so many emotions flying around right now... just another tough day to get through. I plan on just holding my little girl close, knowing how lucky I am to have her, and telling her all about her guardian angel brother.

GoodSearch.com, which is a search engine which donates money to a charity of your choice for each search you make, is hosting a contest: Who Do You GoodSearch For? The winner gets their video featured on the homepage and $100 to the charity featured.

Feel free to check out my video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9K8LxhRYsb8

Happy Easter! Today was a nice day. Nate and I went out with friends last night and left Makayla with my mom. It was the first time we had left her with someone else for more than a hour and it was a little difficult. I know how lucky I am to have her and I don't want to let her out of my sight :)

Well we are now going through the second set of holidays without Gabe and its a bit depressing. I think of what he would be doing and wonder what he would look like right now. I think about all the things I want to buy for him but can't. All the holiday traditions I want to share with him. I can't pretend the holidays aren't going on anymore, I have to learn to celebrate them without him. Our perfect little family forever missing one.

We have continued to keep busy visiting with family and friends and showing off our little princess. This week we took Makayla to get her pictures taken. It took a lot of time and effort, she was a bit fussy, but in the end they captured some great moments-I can't wait to get them back! We picked up our birth announcements today and will start sending them out this week-one more thing to do on our ever growing list!

Today we took a trip up to Boston to visit with some of the nurses that took care of Gabe at Mass General Hospital. We brought up the CHERUBS information packets so that they can start giving them to parents. We brought Makayla and as always she was the center of attention :)

Life is good, and I know how lucky I am to have my beautiful daughter, but I miss my boy more now than ever. I can't help but feel our family will never be complete with him gone. All the great family pictures we had taken- they are all missing him... I know he is watching over his little sister, but I want him here with us. :cry: There will always be something missing-and I hate it. I hate that Makayla will never really know her big brother. Looking at her I can see a resemblance in her eyes and it makes me think of all the things missed. All the things so many take for granted. If I learned anything from Gabe its to treasure every day I have with Makayla, every little moment.

Mommy loves you and misses you Gabe!

It has been almost 2 weeks, time is flying by! We have changed a couple hundred diapers- had many sleepless nights, and have found out we know nothing about being parents-but we are learning and I love every part of being a mommy.

When Nate and I were first married we decided to weigh the pros and cons of having children. It was something we had always talked about doing someday-but we thought that we should make sure it was what we wanted. There were so many reasons not to have children-travel, careers, money... but in the end we both knew we wanted a family. Well it has not been an easy road to travel, we have had a lot of pain, heartache, and fear to deal with. But here we are now with a beautiful baby girl in our arms, and her angel brother watching over us. I know we made the right decision, life could never be complete without our babies, and they have taught me so much already. Nothing in our lives worth while comes easy, but we can appreciate it all so much more.

So all is well in our little house right now. Makayla is doing very well-keeping us busy and teaching us new things every day.

Thanks everyone for all the thoughts and prayers! I wanted to give a quick update on how things went-but I am pretty tired so hopefully this makes sense.

Makayla was born Friday Feb 15th at 5:34 pm weighing in at 10 lbs 4 oz and 22 inches long!!! It was not the easy labor and delivery we had hoped for-she gave us quite a scare at first, but thankfully she is home and doing well!

We went in on Friday to be induced at 7am, I was already having contractions and was dilated 3 cm. They started pitocin and things slowly progressed. At about 1pm my doctor broke my water which set me into active labor. I was unable to get the epidural I had wanted b/c my platelets dropped extremely low and they were afraid of clotting issues. It was not an easy labor but by 5pm I was ready to start pushing. I pushed for a short time but due to her size and the fact that her heart rate was dropping during contractions they had to use suction to get her head out. Once her head was out we could tell she was larger than anyone had expected! Her shoulders got stuck and and with every contraction her heart rate was still dropping. They called in the NICU team and after some manipulation we finally got her out! Immediately they started working on her-but she was limp and refusing to breath on her own. It was one of the scariest moments of my life! They intubated her and brought her to the NICU. Luckily she rebounded from all the stress very quickly and they were able to extubate her after only about an hour! They kept her in the NICU for the remainder of the hospital stay to keep an eye on her, but she has done amazing. Makayla was discharged with us today-after only a two day stay. She has a small problem with her right shoulder b/c of the stress and manipulation during the delivery-they told us she has a 90% chance of regaining full movement-but may need PT- they are giving her a little time to see if she starts moving it on her own. She also was a little jaundice-so we need to get that checked again tomorrow, but hopefully that will also resolve itself. Overall she is a VERY long and large HEALTHY baby girl!

I have a website with some pictures if you want to check them out:

http://www.totsites.com/tot/makaylanava