Okay I think I might freak out on the day of my c-section. What I mean is that I am so worried and scared about how Hayden is going to do. I know with my other three I was so worried the day of the c-section I was shaking. Now I am having a baby with that is not completely healthy. I just do not know how I am going to be able to be calm. I want him to just come out breathing and have nothing wrong with him. I mean I know that will not happen but I so want it to. I am also worried at how I am going to deal with my mother in law. She is so sweet but very emotional and I think she is going to over react which will in return freak me out. I just am so worried about everything I might not come out of this in one piece. I just want to have him and then bring him home. Well I am done freaking out on this blog for who ever reads this I am sorry you have to read my freak out if that makes any since.

OKAY SO I HAVE NOT BEEN ON FOR A WEEK OR SO. SO I THOUGHT I WOULD LET YOU KNOW WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON. I WENT TO THE DOCTOR ON THE 20TH FOR AN ULTRASOUND AND MY LITTLE MANS HEART RATE WAS 53. THEY RUSH ME TO LABOR AND DELIVERY AND PUT ME ON THE MONITERS. I WAS SO WORRIED I COULD NOT STOP CRYING. WHEN WE GOT TO LABOR AND DELIVERY HIS HEART RATE STAY AT 140 TO 150 FOR TWO HOURS. I WAS SO RELIVED THEN THE DOCTOR TOLD ME THAT THEY DID NOT WANT ME TO GO HOME INSTEAD STAY ON MONITERS FOR 24 HOURS. I WAS A LITTLE UPSET BUT I KNEW IT WAS FOR THE BEST. WELL ALL NIGHT LONG HE DID FINE MOVING LIKE CRAZY AND HE EVEN GOT THE HICCUPS WHICH WAS COOL TO HEAR ON THE MONITER. ANYWAY HE IS FINE HE JUST WANTS TO GIVE ME GRAY HEAR BEFORE HE IS EVEN BORN. WELL I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT CHRISTMAS AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Well I am so happy the holidays are here. I think that this will take my mind off of everything and then when the holidays are over I will only have two months left. So holidays bring on the fun and take away the worry. Well I hope everyone has a great Christmas and a New Year.

So what else could go wrong? Well lets see I am already worried about my little man growing inside of me and trying to do everything to make him as healthy as possiable and then what happens. My 1 year old gets fifth disease. I never heard of it and when the doctor told us what it was he said it was no big deal. Well I go to the doctor today and just mention it and they then informed me it was bad to be exposed to while pregnat. So yeah now I have to worry about that. It can cause all kinda problems to your infant. I just want to lock myself in a room until I deliver.

I just do not know what to do. I am in the Army and I asked my commander about how they would be there for me if my baby needs to stay in the hospital for a while. He then told me that when my maternity leave ( which is about 6 to 8 weeks)is up I will be right back to work. I can not imagine not being at the hospital with my baby. I just do not know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I hate not knowing I am so ready to hold him to see him to know he is okay. I hate waiting to find out how he will be. I just do not think I can take this. I know I might sound like a big baby right know and that is fine by me. I just hate this feeling. I just keep thinking what did I do wrong.I am only 24 weeks and I am already ready for him to be here. I just hate that I can not enjoy being pregnant. I just hate this all together I can not stop praying I acutally caught myself closing my eyes to pray the other day while driving down the road. Yeah I know I sound crazy I kinda feel that I might be a little right now.