For all grieving mothers that ever lose faith read this poem and it will bring a smile to know you are a special mommy<3

A MOTHER QUESTIONS GOD!!

Dear God,

I don't know if you can hear me. I know that you get a lot of prayers, but I am a mother whose baby is up there...

Something terrible happened. I think you made a mistake. See, I was gonna have a baby, but for some reason you took it away...

See, God, I'm trying so hard not to be angry, but I have no one to blame. For I was this child's mother and now I will never be the same...

God? Do you hear me? I pray to you every night. I get so frustrated as the tears run down my face. I hurt so bad inside, yet it won't go away...

I try not to cry, but it seems like my eyes have become a lake, there's always water in them. And sometimes it rains and the tears, they overflow God...

God, I begin to cry as I ask Why? Why? Why? This is not fair! Why did this happen to me? Yet you refuse to answer me! What kind of God must you be...

God, my husband, he tried so very hard to make me smile, but he cannot undo what has been done. Yet he never cries. Makes me feel like I'm alone...Well this was until the other night....

He woke me from a sleep, continuously flowing, his eyes began to weep. He grabbed my hand gently and kissed my forehead as he said "come look at our baby's footsteps." Confused and puzzled I stumbled to see...

That all his teardrops formed two little feet...

As I sit here alone in the bed I started thinking about what I had said. When out of the silence, God spoke to me and this is what he said...

"My child, these tears I cry for you. For I am a God of Mercy and I lost a child too. For your child did not suffer and my child died in vain. I am a God that's gracious in so many ways. Yes, I took your child, but not because of anything you've done... I gave you the chance to make me an Angel, the greatest gift a mother can give to her God. The mothers of my Angels are special- that's why I chose you. But I'll let you in on a little secret that will bring a smile to your face..."

"When your child was in Heaven, before I sent him your way, your baby was my special Angel that I promised a perfect mom. So as I sat down and opened the 'Mommy Book' that precious little Angel took just one look and said..."

"God, I want that one to be my mommy"

"I looked up with tears in my eyes and said ' Sorry- no can do. That mommy, she's not for you.'

"Why is that?" the Lil Angel asked.

I replied, "For that mommy, her baby will not survive."

The little Angel looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "But please God! For HER...I would die!"

For I could tell the Angel was so sincere, despite what I had told him, I sent him here...

As a smile crossed my face a tear rolled down my cheek. To know of all the mommies in the whole wide world, that special Angel chose me...

So if you are the mommy of an Angel- you are a special mommy. Because you, yourself, were chosen by God and for some reason he chose that Special Angel just for you!
..

When i was pregnant my emotions were uncontrollable because i was so happy to be expecting and so terrified that i would lose him. The last time i saw my doctors was September 22, 2011 they did a check up on everything and he seemed to be doing great. On Sep. 23 I decided to go to church for the first time in years and Brayden was very active during that time. The next day I hadnt felt any fetal movements so i went to the doctors to find out that Braydens Heart failed, there was no trace of a heart beat.
Even though i knew this was a possibility it hit me as if i never knew because i kept thinking to myself that everything will be ok. Words can not describe the pain that i felt. I was then put in induced labor..I was not mentally prepared to delivery a baby yet especially one that was still born. I delivered our beautiful baby boy on Sep 25 2011 @ 9:15 am. Holding him in my arms was a day that i will never forget. I got to spend the whole day with him but when it was time for him to go i broke down in tears knowing that would be the last time i got to see him.
Everyday i think of him and know that he is with me. When ever i hear a Jack Johnson song i know that hes there ( I used to play his songs to Brayden when i was pregnant & he always danced around ) Now i visit him as much as i can and today im going to put out his christmas tree and spend some time with him. I cant imagine what my life will be like years from now..every year that goes by would be another year that i have lost..I will never get to see him grow up and be a mother that i have always dreamed of being. I know that God chose my husband and I to be " Special Parents" because we gave him an Angel...For those who are expecting Never give up Faith and For those who are Grieving Parents like me Honor your child, love them and always remember that your baby is in Gods arms and doesnt have to feel any pain and that one day you will re unit. Take care

In Loving Memory of Brayden Allen Duran<3