We Remember:

The room was silent. You could hear a pin drop. There was no movement around me. My world as I knew it stopped. As I held his lifeless body in my arms, my heart ached. My stomach was in knots and every part of me hurt. Tears flowed uncontrollably and all I could do was just look at him. Nothing else mattered. I didn’t want to take my eyes off him for I knew that this would be the last time I would see him here on this earth.

I wanted to scream, yell out “ do something” but I couldn’t make a sound. I couldn’t move. I was helpless as my baby was helpless lying in my arms. His color was blue/gray and his body was so heavy. The weight of his tiny body and the weight of this burden felt like it was suffocating me. I could not breathe. The emotions were riveting, and the pain was uncontrollable. I felt nothing but his little body next to mine and the presence of God. In the midst of the pain, and sorrow there was peace. A indescribable peace that filled that room as if the Lord was standing there himself. As I prayed for him, and held him in my arms I felt God’s loving arms wrap around me. He was not only holding my son, but he was holding me too. My husband beside me was sobbing and I knew that this was it. The time had come.

Lovingly kissing him and hugging him, my senses were in overdrive. I could smell every part of him, the fresh soap from his very first bath. I felt his soft baby skin and tiny fingers as I held his little hand in mine. I could hear nothing, even though later I was told there were people in and out of that room. I heard nothing, but just hearing my voice as I sang to him through those 33 days. I tasted my tears as they fell down my face onto his soft, blue blanket but most of all I could see him. For a mother’s memory is a wonderful thing. I saw him as a boy, the healthy boy that would have grown up to be a football player, a concert pianist, or a scholar at Harvard. I saw his life flash by and yet all that he knew was just that hospital room but all that he will ever remember is just being with Jesus. The pain and suffering that he endured here would be no longer and it was wiped clean. He will have no recollection of things passed only what is in his future.

I could see his little eyes, even though they were shut, swollen like golf balls. I could see them opened as big as quarters as they were just a couple days before. He was my brown eyed little boy. I saw them looking at me, following my husbands and my voice, trying desperately to see us. And then it hit me. Almost like it just dawned on me at that very moment that he was made new. Here on earth the doctors worked so hard to put him back together and fix him. They had done that successfully. There was nothing wrong with him anymore. The scars from his surgeries were already beginning to heal and his lungs and heart were working and fighting for his life. The complications he was born with was not what took his life. He died of a complete unrelated cause that ended up costing his precious little life. That was when I realized that God had called him home. God wanted him home with Him more than I wanted to carry my son home. He loved him more that I do. As he was surrounded by family and loved ones here, he was surrounded by angels and loved ones and our heavenly father there in heaven. Nothing can harm him anymore. No infection, no disesase, no defects.

Moments went by and time was of essence. His little body was getting cold and beginning to harden. One of the nurses came by with warming blankets and put them on him to keep him warm. They would have continued to do that for as long as we wanted, but it was at that moment when I said to myself ok. Enough. There is nothing more that we can do. I have given him all of my love, efforts, and we have done everything we can possibly do. Now its time to let go and let God. I looked at my husband and our eyes met. The brokenness and pain showed through each tear that fell. Even through our blurry vision we still could see each other. We never spoke words, it was just understood. I took his little body, as I was the last one to hold him, and kissed him one more time for was going to be the last time I felt that little cheek against my lips, and I said, in a soft whisper, “ I love you, and your mommy and daddy will see you later. Its not goodbye just see you later.” I handed him over to the nurse and they began to take off his clothes and gave me back his belongings. They wrapped him in the blankets and he laid there on his bed. As I remembered him laying there on the bed, he wore a little cap for his head, and I could see his outline of his face, his puffy cheeks and nose and lips and that was the last time I was going to see him. I turned around and walked out of his room. I knew he was being held by my Lord now. All that love could do was done.

That day he was supposed to graduate into his private room in the hospital but I realize that he did graduate in his private room, it was his private mansion that God prepared special for him. His name was on his door “ Bryson Alexander Dobbs.” The place we know and call Heaven.

This is Bryson’s journey to that place.

John 14:2-3

“ In my Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have
told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am,
there ye may be also.”

Bryson Alexander has went home to be with Jesus, and walked straight into His loving arms. He was taken home at 12:10 p.m. Wednesday afternoon on January 4, 2011, and greeted there by his grandma Judy Dobbs and his little friends Liam and others.
This probably will be one of my last post as my journey is slowly coming to a close and God's path that he has taken our family on is ready to conclude.
The pain of losing my son is great and my husband and i are deeply grieved. The responses from our family and friends sending their condolences have been overwhelming and encouraging and reading the post and emails have in many ways helped us get through these last 24 hours. But, where do we go from here? The simple things that mattered before just don't. We are home now and yet my heart is still there at the hospital. I left something there that was of such value that I feel empty inside and I can't just go back to get it.
I play back the whole day over and over in my mind and when I close my eyes I see him in my arms, and smell him and feel him. I see Landon kissing him and trying to give his little brother a hug. It was as if he knew something was happening. His innocent and tender heart was saying goodbye to him even though he was too young to quite understand what was happening. I see my grandparents hugging me and crying tears of heartbreak for us because they love that little boy so much yet they say for God to take them because they lived their life, and the doctors and nurses crying in the room as they prepared for us to have our moment with him, as they gave him a bath and got him dressed.
Everyone talks about how much this little boy has changed so many lives and I truly believe that. I dont have all of the answers but I know that somehow through this situation so many lives have changed. It has brought my husband and I closer together in a way that i haven't felt in years, a bond that now can never be broken because of what we are going through. We have been flooded with emails and texts that peoples relationship with God has been strengthened and changed because of this little one. If there was ever a reason why this little boy was here and if it was to bring people closer to God through this situation then it was the best reason in the world.
My blogs have been my heart opened and completely transparent and if I have demonstrated a certain strength or depicted faith in a way that has stood out it has only come from above. But I want to brag on my husband because he has not been mentioned, he hasn't been in the forefront yet he has been equally strong through this whole process if not more because he has carried the burden of his family on his shoulders, and been the man that I knew he was when i married him almost 7 years ago. He has modeled the father, the husband and a true man of God through these last 33 days and I couldn't be more proud of him. He is the greatest dad and was the best dad for Bryson. Driving back and forth to work every day, staying with me in Tampa at night so I wouldn't have to be there by myself. After working long hours, then sitting there by Bryson's bedside at the hospital till midnight some nights just watching him and praying for him. Then only to have to repeat the same routine day in and day out. The strength that God gave him through this was truly supernatural, and uplifted me when I was too weak to carry on. When you take your vows and put those rings on your finger, you truly do become one. You never really understand that until you walk through something like this. Your hearts, your minds, your souls mesh together and you feel the pain of one another and you begin to feel what Gods intention of marriage was truly supposed to be. I love that man so much and God has groomed him and made him the man perfect for me and for this very moment. Our anniversary is the 8th of January and I can't imagine my life truly without him. He is a true man of honor and integrity.
He skipped a football game to sit by Bryson's bedside because he " wanted to be a good dad." Jason, you are the best dad. Bryson knows it and he will one day wrap his arms around your neck and tell you so. The tiny little sacrifices you have made these last 33 days were for one special boy and i know he loves you so much. We all do. Landon and I.
So, this is our story. A story that you can read from the beginning. A story that starts off with faith and joy and fear and uncertainty. A story that ends in hope knowing that even though he is not here physically and I may not be able to hold him now, He is being held by the Almighty. We prayed for his healing and my baby got His Ultimate Healing. No more sorrow and no more pain.
I won't say goodbye My bryson. Just that mommy, daddy and Landon will see you later. We are so proud of you. You gave it your all and you came out a winner. Hugs and kisses to you.
With Love from your whole family...
Mommy and Daddy and Landon
Grandma and Grandpa Powell
MeMe and Poppa Dobbs
Aunt Nie
Uncle Josh
Uncle Jay
Uncle Phill and Aunt Shannon
Taylor and Drew
Grandma and Grandpa Benda
Granny and Papa Summerlin
Grandma and Grandpa Powell

This is very difficult to write. To the ones who are reading this, I must say that its not going to be easy to hear and as I write this my heart is saddened and grieving.
For the past 4 days Bryson has been doing so well. His numbers were fantastic. He was almost on room air, which the lowest he got down to was 31%, and he was almost completely off of the nitric gas. His o2 saturation was in the high 90's and just soared through the last few days. Jason and I were knocking on wood because we were just hoping that it continued and praying that the shoe wouldn't drop.
Two nights ago the nurses told me that today he would be able to be moved into his own private room, because he was doing so well and he was " graduating." He was doing so good and progressing along that he was finally able to be moved. I got his blanket and booties and outfit ready and laid it in the designated room that he was going to be in. I put his name on the tags of the blanket and clothes and was so excited because this just meant that we were one step closer. They even said that if things continued the way they were and he was " stable", that I would be able to hold him sometime this week. I was overjoyed at this and I was so happy. Its been 4 weeks and I still haven't been able to hold my baby and the nurses know this. For them to say this was a huge big deal and I was definitely going to hold on to this. I was finally going to be able to love on him and hold him in my arms. But, then things turned...We came in this a.m. hoping to have a great day and experience something that we had only dreamed of. Even the little things of moving him into his own room was something so major to us that it even brought us more happiness than anything. But, he wasn't looking good. He tested positive for graham negative. It is a blood infection and a very lethal bacteria infection. We aren't sure all the details but we know that they started him on antibiotics this a.m and had to start an IV in his head. He is now the sickest baby in the nicu and every minute is crucial. I sit there and watch the clock and watch his numbers. He is at 100% oxygen right now and his numbers are ok. His blood pressure dropped so low this a.m but now is better. The nurses said that this is very serious and have seen babies that are this bad not make it. They did say that the fact that he is responding to the medicines is a good thing because they would see nothing changing with his numbers. His little body is very swollen and he doesn't even look like the same baby.
I am trying to stay calm through this but honestly seeing him this sick is breaking my heart. The poking and prodding and the medicines and all of the tubes is just getting somewhat overwhelming. I want him better. I was ready to hold him. I don't want to hold him when he is dying. I am praying that he can fight through this. He has been through so much and I wonder if its getting to the point where his litttle body is saying " enough is enough." and just telling us that he can't do it anymore. As his mom I have to prepare myself for what might be the inevitable. I am not doom and gloom and for my friends and family who are keeping close reading this you know that I am believing for a divine intervention and miracle as much as the next person. But, I am torn. I dont want him to suffer, and seeing him this way is incredibly hard. I am depleted emotionally and I can only hold on to the strength of my God because I can't do it on my own. God has provided him with wonderful doctors and nurses that love him like their own. I am not giving up, but only asking the Lord for a double dose of strength to help me through this. I sleep, eat, and walk and drink this hospital. I wake up thinking of that baby and lay my head down thinking of this baby. I am pumping to provide milk for that baby because I know its the best for him. It pains me to think that I might not be able to give it to him, that perhaps that is what might happen. But I am still pumping every 3 hours because I am not giving up. I am not a quitter, and neither is that baby that is laying in that room. No little one should have to go through this much and I don't have any answers. I just can only say that I trust that God knows what He is doing. I might have to go through the valley to get to the mountain top and it might take us longer to get there but if I get there and when I get there it will be spectacular.
Thank you for believing with us.

Bryson...Bryson.....Bryson...
What is mommy going to do with you. Since Friday you gave mommy and daddy quite a scare. You started bleeding excessively and the doctors said that they weren't sure that they were going to be able to help you. They got the bleeding stopped but it was touch and go for a while. They had to abruptly take you off of ECMO and because of that no one knew how you were going to do. They put you on the conventional vent and cranked up the o2 to 100%.That was Thursday night. They started a new cardiac drug to help with your pulmonary function and then we just had to sit and wait. Well, I am pleased to say that it will be 4 days and you are doing fantastic. Besides the little swelling and edema that you have, they have started turning you on your tummy and you like it alot. Your stats go to 98 percent and stay up there. You are at 31% O2 and holding at 98 and 99. They dropped you on your gas from 20 to 9.2. It is great news and we are so happy. They are going to put a small OG tube in and start feeding you in a day or two. I have been pumping like a crazy woman so I hope you do well with it. To see the turn around you have made brings tears to my eyes. I still hate to see you struggle and they have to keep you on quite a bit of pain medicine and sedation but you are still doing ok. Your progress is nothing short of a true miracle and I praise God for it.
I love you,
Mommy
The doctors are very encouraged and the word that one of your pediatric surgeons used was, " it is remarkable." So, we are taking it one hour by hour and just day by day. I love you so much and you will never know how much we have prayed for you.

Dear Lord,
In the poem" Footprints," there appeared one set of footprints in the sand, and your words were, " It was then that I carried you..."
Lord, I know you are carrying me because that is the only way I know I am making it day by day right now and able to feel the peace that I do. But I need you to please carry Bryson. Carry his lungs, and carry his heart in your hands. Sustain him so they are able to work on their own. Whatever you need to do, Lord, Please do it now.
I dont wish I had a crystal ball because I dont know what it would show me. But, I know you see and you know the future. You see him walking the aisle graduating from highschool top in his class. You see him at 5 years old learning to ride his first bike, or when he loses his first tooth. So, Lord, I am asking you for strength. Not strength for me, because you have given that to me already. Strength to be there for my son. He is so fragile and weak and cannot hold right now on his own. Please be his strength, make him strong and do a miracle. The doctors have had to put him back on ECMO and as this will once again is a " lifesaver" , the talk from their mouths is that it is uncertain how this will play out. He can't live on ECMO and stay on a vent for the rest of his life and we haven't even begun the process to ween him off all possible mechanical ventilation. So, what does that all mean? I am at a loss for words because I don't know. He is not going by the rules the doctors say. The doctors and nurses have even said that they have never had a baby here at this hospital that has been taken off ECMO and then had to be put back on. But Bryson? Yes, he has. That was my first concern when he first went on this a week ago, perhaps a mother's intuition or maybe just a fear that was deep in my heart but now? They have to put him back on. His numbers and stats are not holding and they don't know what else to do. As I am writing this and praying at the same time, I am going to say that I am not losing my faith, and will not lose my son to this. You are my healer Lord. and You bore the stripes on your back for my Bryson's healing. So, please do your work, that only You can do. Guide the physicians and nurses hands, and give them wisdom through this process to run tests, and do what needs to be done. You are the creator of medicine and the creator of Bryson and you know the plans for his little life. That machine can't and is not doing the work. This is all I know to say and do right now but to just ask for your help God.
The pain is great but my faith is stronger and I will not let Satan have the Victory in our family and over my son in this situation. So to end this prayer, Thank you for healing him. Thank you for the miracles and glimmers of hope that we have had these last 3 weeks. You are my peace, and I trust in You. I can only trust you.
Amen.

For everyone who has been praying fervently and incessantly for our son, please do not stop. Please do not let this news frustrate you or allow your faith to falter. Instead keep praying harder. Because I believe that is how we have gotten even this far...was through your prayers of our friends and family and friends of our friends who we don't even know. Your prayers have strengthened us and brought us more hope and support. Your prayers, My Lord has heard, so please, I beg you don't stop. We love you, and we thank you on behalf of our little boy.
We love you,
Julie Dobbs

Bryson,

I am so thankful for tiny little moments spent with you. You woke up today and looked right at me. Your eyes were wide open and you were as precious as can be. You seemed calm and i was cleaning your drool and making sure that your neck was dry. You are such a little drooler. I started talking to you and thought to sing Christmas carols to you. so, I started singing and your tiny eyeballs got heavy. They started to close and you fell back to sleep. The profusionist that was there said that he must like you singing because his stats are going up. They hit 96%. But I have been singing to you for 9 months and so I would hope that you know your mommy's voice. You are so incredibly precious and I just am so glad that you are here. Its not ideal but you are doing good and you look great. You are swelling up a little from the fluid access and so you look like a little sumo wrestler. But just know your mommy loves you so much. Your grandma and Gramps love you and meme and poppa love you. Your daddy and Landon love you.
I have your Christmas Stocking hanging up and I plan to fill it up with some things. I know it sounds silly bc you won't need it right now and you don't care but its your first Christmas.
I love you so much. God has shown me a lot of things these past few days. Brought to me people who only God can do. Those Divine moments where God is involved with and I know its God.
I know that it can always be worse than it is. I talked to a couple in the house and they are from Lakeland. They had twins and actually lost one of them. The other one is not doing well and has some major complications. I immediately teared up and my heart sank for them. I hugged her as she started breaking down. They have been in the house for 3 months. I told them I was praying for them and from a mom to a mom that if she needed anything or to just talk that I was here for her.
I know that there are so many people that we walk by and don't know their story. I have walked by them by so much and hadn't said anything to them.
I am thankful that you are doing as well as you are. You are my little Christmas Miracle. Even though I can't take you home, and even though it might seem hard, when you look at me it makes it all worth it. I know you are going to be ok.
I am so blessed to have so many friends and family praying for you. You have no idea the love and support that is coming from so many directions, from all over the country, from all over the world.
You are becoming very popular. I know that you didn't choose this, I wish it wasn't the case for you right now. God will bring favor to you and to our family. I am blessed and so thankful for people posting your picture and prayer request on there pages. The amount of responses that we have gotten is overwhelming. Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. People who don't even know you are praying and interceding for you, my son.
You are my little miracle already and I love you so much. Merry Christmas!
Love you always,
Your mommy

Today, I walked into the room late. It was 11 a.m. and I was hurrying to get there. I woke up this a.m. at 5 a.m. and had a splitting headache. The kind that my jaw ached and neck muscles ached and head was pounding every possible which way. I needed something to relieve it so I grabbed my Excedrin Extra Strength and went back to bed. Well, I woke up at 9 a.m. and was feeling very strange. I was groggy and felt drugged. I could sleep the whole day. Forcing myself to get up and start the day, I looked on the dresser and at the corner of my eye what I thought was Excedrin that I took I had taken Tylenol PM...at 5 a.m. Which now explained why I was acting like a zombie. Needless to say my whole day has been strange, and I have been exhausted. As a nurse we are taught to read the labels but nurses make the worst patients. OOPs...Thank God it was only Tylenol PM and not something more serious. lol!
So back to me walking into Bryson's room.
Surgeons and doctors filled his room again and they had again turned it into a Operating Room.
The doctor said they had to readjust his cannula in the side of his neck. It wasn't flowing right and it kept setting off the alarms on the pumps so they needed to reposition it. Nothing seems easy with this baby bc they must have been in there for hours. I went to the room across the hall and tried to sleep off my drug, hoping that I could catch some z's during this time.
When it was all said and done they were able to successfully do what they needed to do. Now his numbers are doing great and what he was reading at 80% bypass he is now at 52%. I asked the profusionist, ( the guy who monitors the pump at all times) if they were weening him or if that is him doing this, and they said, that he is doing this. They haven't started weening him, bc he is weening himself. His lungs and heart are doing better the doctors say. By the ECHO they did this a.m. his lungs looks more clear, opened and they said that the pulmonary hypertension is improving and looking better. That is better than what we had been hearing, bc the last few days we hadn't been hearing much of any good news. He has proven that his lungs were strong and capable of working but he just hit a wall and couldn't do it anymore.
Perhaps we are doing better and he is on his way to healing and all. I am praying for that. He does look better and color is continuing to look good. He does somewhat make grimacing faces, " silent cries" is what we call it but he is doing ok. I can't imagine what its like. He has a chest tube, two tubes down his throat, one to his stomach, two cannulas in his neck, he has IV's as well. The poor kid has went through more than I have ever been through. I am so proud of him.
This a.m I went down to the kitchen to get some breakfast and there was a mom with her older son and a little infant carrier that was on the floor. I said," oh, is this the baby? " She said " yes, we are going home today." I asked her when he was born and she said " Dec. 2. " That was Bryson's birthday.
I so wish that we were the ones taking our baby home for Christmas, what an awesome gift that would be. But I smiled and said, " congratulations" and gave her a hug. I am ultimately happy for her. There was another couple in here that has been in this house for 3 months. They are going to be able to go home on Wednesday. Just in time for Christmas too. My time is coming and I know that it will come. Bryson has his stocking hanging up on his IV pump and his name tag that is decked out in Christmas decorations. I can't dress him up with his Christmas outfit or do much of anything with him but just that he is here and that he is alive is all I need to make this a great Christmas. We overcame a huge hurdle and I know there might be more to come but its ok. I am holding on to those tiny miracles that happen through out the day. I embrace those little moments where I am able to change his diaper, or where he looks at me and he recognizes my voice or face. He might be in this tiny little body but he is the strongest person I know.
Julie

It is late and I am so tired but I had to update everyone and write down my thoughts before I laid down.
Last night was probably the most scariest day of my life. I never thought that I would have to walk this path and now it is here. His oxygen dropped to 50%. They could not oxygenate him. He was starting to look pale, blue/gray and was just laying there. Everything they tried was not working and the doctors started flowing in the room. I stayed back and patiently watched as the doctors were watching the numbers, the vents, watching him. My mom stood by me and watched too. I knew what was coming. If they couldn't bring his numbers up, and his lungs continued to fail they were going to have to put him on ECMO.
They ordered a head ultrasound because they wanted to make sure there were no brain bleeding. They had to get a base line because one of the risks on ECMO is that it could cause hemorraging.
i had to go pump in the room across the hall and then like a brief second, I heard " ECMO". People started coming in and out of the room, with huge equipment and carts and all. They completely transformed that room into an Operating Room.
Nurses and assistants were in there.
I sat in that room across the hall and just sat there.
Is this for real? Is my baby needing this?
The doctors tried everything else possible. This was the last resort.
The surgery was only supposed to take 2 hours. Instead it took 5. We didn't get much word or update until the end and finally it was over.
One of the nurses came out and told us that apparently there are 2 cannulas that go in the neck. Usually 2 go in the same side of the neck. One in the jugular vein and one in the artery. Apparently, with Bryson he didn't have a artery on the side of the neck. His anatomy was wierd and what he thought was an artery was in actuality the veiin. So, to make matters worse he had to pull it and stop it and start over and when he did, bryson's heart rate dropped down to 60. They didn't have to do chest compressions, but they did have to give him EPI, shot of adrenaline to kind of wake his heart up again. he has one canula on one side of his neck and the other in the other side. Poor baby looks like he has reindeer antlers hanging down from his bedside. HE looks adorable. One is bright red and the other is dark bllue red. The dark blue is the non oxyenated blood, coming out and goes through a pump that acts as the lungs, goes through another machine that acts as the heart and then comes out oxygenated and pumps right back in him. This is all the while his lungs and heart are resting. His lungs are not completely deflated. They are inflated but report this a.m. is that he has some fluid around his lungs. It isn't great news. Also because of the trauma that occured while his heart rate dropped so low, and being so low on oxygen his heart took a big hit. It was absolutely perfect and still is but the cardiologist said it has weakened it. ITs good its resting because its going to need to heal.
The doctors seem confident that this will work.
As soon as he went on this, his profusion started to improve immediately. He started looking pink again, and color came to him. He was wide awake and looking around. He was warm, not cold and his numbers were in the high 98% oxygen and he was only getting low 36% oxygenation. So, something was working. What I wasn't prepared for was that
he is getting used to the sedation and pain meds. He has been on them for 2 weeks now so he is requiring a lot more.They want him looking around, he doesnt look uncomfortable but then other times he makes these faces where it looks like he is going to cry. He has frothy secretions and bubbles that come out of his nose and mouth, and it looks so uncomfortable. They have to constantly suction him. When he is sleeping soundly I am ok. I do better.
But when he is awake, he looks right at me. He follows me and listens to my voice. He looks up at me as if he is saying, " help me mommy." He sometimes even looks like he has this panic look.
The nurses and profusionist in the room continue to assure me that he isn't uncomfortable and he is really ok. But this is my baby and its hard to see him like this no matter what.
Tonight I was in there with him, sitting by his bed. His eyes were wide open looking around. I was talking to him, singing to him. Of course crying.
I was carressing his head and he started falling asleep. His eyes were closed and I had my hand just laying on his head. The moment I pulled my hand of his head and proceeded to walk away, That baby woke up. His eyes opened like he knew that I was going to leave. Later on he was wide awake again and I still was sitting by his bed. I was talking to the profusionist in the room and we were talking about everything. That baby fell asleep. i made the comment that I can't believe he fell asleep to my talking. and they said that it was probably calming for them because he has been hearing my voice for 9 months.
they have him set right now at 80%. I don't know all of the technical reasons or what it all means, but I do know that they said that at about 10 days they will try to wean him. Hopefully by then he can be.
We are praying for a miracle and I have a lot of people praying. God works in mysterious ways and I don't understand it all and I am not going to question right now. I dont have the energy for that. I just need to stay strong for that little boy in there and do what I can for him. One miracle that did happen that God showed up for was that in some babies they don't have a artery or a vein in the neck. They need both for this ECMO. The doctor told us that if that happened where they can't find it that those babies die because there is no other resort. Thank God that they were able to find it and do it. I dont know why in the beginning he didn't need this and now he does. Everyone who we have spoken to has said that he should do very well on this because he has proven that his lungs are strong and functioning. So, because he has pulmonary hypertension they don't know why that has all of a sudden occured, but this is the thing to solve that. IT is a God given machine and we are blessed to have it.
I left tonight at 11 pm. He was sleeping peacefully. lPlease pray for his comfort. For peace to fill his body and that God will just rest his hands on his body and that he will be completely calm.
Also please pray that his pulmonary hypertension will go away and he will be healed completley.
God still can do that.

I am going to try to blog in the midst of all my spare time, (yeah right). lol!
I know i have so many people praying for my little cherub and I don't doubt that God has a plan for him, but in spite of all of the prayers and the miracle that took place last night, today he has had to go on ECMO.
The vent and the occilator was just not working. His numbers were heading down into the 60's and was refusing to go up even at 100% oxygen level. They couldn't do more than that. I knew it was coming in my heart and the doctors worked aggressively to try everything they could to do that but nothing was working and Bryson wasn't responding.
He turned blue/grayish, and his little body was just laying there. It was as if he was saying, ' help me..I am trying not to give up but I need some help here." The doctors have wisdom in what they do because they didn't linger. They acted and for the past over an hour now have been doing this procedure. I don't know all that it means, but basically its a heart/lung bypass machine. It pumps oxygenated blood into his blood and lets the lungs and heart rest. He will profuse better and his color will return to that pinkish healthy color. In my heart of hearts I know that this is better for him. He won't be struggling and won't have the ups and downs. God has placed a mom here in the house for me that baby has been on it. Went on it twice and he is doing fantastic. She is even breastfeeding him. He doesn't have the same issues that Bryson does, but it was encouraging to hear that he was doing well. I just want to see him doing better.
I never thought that this day would come and never thought I would have to sign the consent for this, but I know that if he needs to be on it then we need to go with it.
Thank you for all of your prayers. They are working and I believe he will continue to do His work.
God bless you all!
Julie

The days are slowly passing. It feels like it has been 2 months and yet it has only been like a week. 11 days to be exact. I am resting more and not spending hours upon hours at your bedside yet when I wake up in the a.m. I feel like I am not complete until I can see you.
The doctors don't think you even know I am here but when you are awake you look right at me. You are wide awake and I wish I could hold you. When that time comes it will be one of the happiest moments in my life, next to holding your big brother.
I wonder if you want to be held as much as I want to hold you.
I have to leave you at night to get my rest as you get yours. I know that you are in great hands. I believe they have been intricately chosen by God. But I feel so helpless. I can't do anything for you. They let me suctioin your nose and mouth when they start getting too bubbly...and I can wipe your nose and mouth from the excess residu. I so badly want to take this from you. My heart rests when I see you at peace and resting. My heart then grieves when I see you in discomfort. I wish you didn't have to go through this. Yesterday was a rough day. You looked like you were in pain and you would make these faces that looked like you wanted to cry. That made me cry. Please know that as you are in here lying there , know how much you are lovoed. You are resting in His care, where you should be right now. My holding you, as much as I want to and need to, won't heal your lungs. It won't pump the oxygen and necessary blood into your system and tiny little body. My love is here my sweet one and for now it has to remain from a distance. I pray for you and lay my hands on you. YOu grab my finger and hold it and I know that you know that I am your mommy. I always will be. But fo rnow, you need to heal and get better.
I watched your daddy tear up and cry, and it broke my heart. When you are peaceful it helps us to know you are ok. Our hearts ache when you struggle.
I carried you for 9 months and you were protected.
I cared for you and did the best I can to protect you from the outside elements. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, and can't have that normal baby life. I wait for the transportation outside of the hospital to take me back to the Ronald McDonald House, and see so many mommy's coming out holding their babies. I wonder if they know how blessed they are. I wonder if they take it for granted. I know I did with your brother. Until you go through something like this and are knocking so close to death's door at the possibility of losing your child, its easy to not realize how good you have it.
I will be there my son every day, talking to you and doing all that I know I can do right now. I can't wait to give you a bath, and to put your little clothes on you and for you to just be held in our arms.
God has a mighty plan for you my child. You will get better and be able to one day find that plan for you.
I love you more than you know. I never thought I could love another child like your brother but when I found out I was pregnant with you the love was so strong that it was overwhelming. You are my boys and I miss you and Landon like crazy.
I can't hold either one of you and it hurts but one day we will all go home together and this whole jouney will be a memory that we will never forget.

SURGERY WAS A SUCCESS!!!!!! Dr. say that they could not have asked for better!!! They were able to repair the hernia and diaphragm with no problem and placed all the organs back in their correct position! He is resting now! God is so good! :) Family is waiting to see him.

Doctors are saying that he could be eating Julie's milk in 3 days!!! :)

Julie is doing better after spending 9 hours in the ER. All test results came back normal and they feel that her headaches are from stress and are causing her blood pressure to go up. Her BP finally came down to normal. She is taking it easy and was able to sleep a little this morning. Please continue to pray that her BP stays normal!

Believing for continued miracles and healing! :)

Thank you for all your prayers and support!

Stephanie

How does one begin to explain what I feel. It is a complete different day then it was a few days ago.
I have been on bed rest for the last 24 hours and have been on my back with minimal movement. My blood pressure numbers aren't great. I have been ranging 156/85. That was just laying down and doing nothing.
When I went down to breakfast this a.m. I checked it and it spiked to 163/106. Then it kept creeping up higher. I called the doctor and they said to head to the emergency room. She wouldn't admit me directly.
So, I am sitting here. I dont want to waste all weekend laying in bed, and Monday they say, " we have to admit you." So, I think that this is the best bet.
I have no idea why this is happening. My blood pressure was perfect when I was pregnant. I never had high blood pressure before, and now? Why now when my baby is in the NiCU and needs me. Him " needing me" is probably just me talking because he really doesn't know I am there but it sure does make me feel better just to be by him.
My mom and dad have been great. They stayed with me yesteray, and dad came over today to be with me. He sat with my son this a.m. and he is sitting with me now. This is once again out of my hands. I have to surrender control, and just realize there is nothing I can do.
I am reminded of two stories in the Bible that have given me some comfort and strength through this.
Even though I can't see my son and I am being taken back by this blood pressure thing, I have to remember that Job was encountered with so many issues. He was stricken with boils, lost his family, cattle, everything he owned. His wife told him to curse God but He refused. He just kept praying and singing to God and worshiping him. I might not have boils or have lost everything I own. But I know that this is probably some of the hardest things I have and will ever go through. I have to remain strong for my boys and for my husband. God has a plan and now is not the time to question that. Its the time to thank him for the things that he has done. Praise him and just let God take the reigns.

Update on Bryson- Tonight they discovered that Bryson's oxygen gas levels were off, which was requiring him to need more oxygen. This causes his lungs to work harder and can be detrimental. They have decreased his oxygen supply a little but it is still higher than what he was on earlier and will need continual tweaking. Please pray that his oxygen gas levels go back to normal and that they are able to decrease his oxygen again.

Update on Julie - Julie was not feeling as well yesterday - had a headache, swelling of the ankles, and actually got a nose bleed (we thought from just pushing it a little too hard the days before). Come to find out today her blood pressure was through the roof. It was 161/93 and 150/95 in the other arm. She met with the high risk doctor this afternoon and he wanted to admit her with concerns of preeclampsia postpartum but instead told her that she was to be on complete bed rest and could not be at the hospital until Monday. They are running blood tests to check her platelet level as well as her liver function and we will get those tests tomorrow. If they come back abnormal she will be admitted.

Julie is resting and there are many people keeping very close eyes on her to make sure she obeys the doctors orders. She is calling our mom the "preeclampsia police!!!!" Those that know Julie know that bed rest is NOT easy for her. :) The nurses have been told that if they see her to send her home. :) She will not be updating the blog but I promise that as information and updates become available I will be updating on her behalf.

Thank you for all your prayers for Bryson, Julie and the whole family! The support and love is overwhelming during this time!

Stephanie

His test came back perfect. There are no leaks, and the esophagus is healing nicely. It is actually larger then they thought which is good for future feedings etc. They don't know if he is going to tolerate feedings but hopefully he will be able to. Just another thing to pray for when that time comes, but as for now Miracle are happening. He is doing well and now because we have overcome this hurdle he can continue with his hernia surgery on Saturday. This is wonderful because they don't have to go back in and repair what ever other issues and delay more time.
As for his mommy, I am feeling a littel depleted.
Last night while I was in his room, I was experiencing extreme headaches, periodically for the last few days, as well as I had a nose bleed and my ankles and feet were swollen.
I have an appt today with my doctor. Please pray for me. My blood pressure is through the roof and it normally is better than normal.
Thank you for your prayers.
Julie Dobbs

It has been 4 days since my Bryson has been born. I never thought that the day would ever come. Patiently waiting for 9 months, anticipating his arrival and having no idea what the outcome would be as he entered the world.
God has orchestrated every event in his life so far from who his nurses are on his care to the doctors and surgeons and assistants who have been in his operating room, specifically hand picked by God to heal my son. I prayed for a miracle and even though I prayed that God would heal him, I also prayed for His will to be done. Of course I wanted him to be born without a diaghramatic hernia, or that God would take all his organs and put them in place. Of course I wanted him to have no complications and be just perfect. But, I have come to realize that God’s delay is not God’s denial. Just because he has chosen not to heal him now, or do it in the way that I see fit, doesn’t mean that He isn’t doing a miracle someway or somehow. I know that this little guy has a special purpose. I have seen it with my own eyes, the miracles. The miracle that he was crying when he was born, the fact that he is breathing intermittently on his own. The known fact that he doesn’t need to be on the heart and lung bypass machine.( ECMO). Did we know about the ET-Fistula? No, but did he soar through that surgery? Yes. Is he making progress daily? Yes. His oxygen levels are perfect and he is breathing room air. He isn’t jaundice, and his bilirubin levels are great. The tests they have ran have all turned out normal and all negative. His kidneys are working great. He is urinating and passing meconium. There are no brain bleeds and his brain is structurally normal. His heart is structurally normal and without any defects.
Every single minute that goes by he gains a little bit more strength. He is fearfully and wonderfully made.
As his mom I walk into the NICU and see him laying there connected to tubes and lying still. He is absolutely beautiful. A miracle in itself. My heart grieves and I want to just hold him. Even though I can’t, I know that God is. He loves him so much.

My dear Bryson,
You are here my little one.Your mommy and daddy have waited for you and we are so happy. We look at you and are so proud of you. You have made us the happiest parents in the world. I caught your daddy singing to you and it makes me smile. He loves you so much. You are the apple of his eye and the beat of my heart. I can’t tell you how much I need you to know how special you are. I don’t think you will ever comprehend what you went through these next few weeks, or even months. You won’t remember and as you grow up you probably will even take your life for granted. I ask that you don’t, not one breath. Every breath that you take now and take in the future were given by Him. Those are very special breaths. You are a miracle. You were created by God and he formed you in my womb. How he chose to form you and the way he chose to do so was His way. It may not have been the norm but he did it for a reason. Every intricate detail and every breath that you take now is showing me that God is a miracle worker. He is in the business of healing.
I love you so much. I just want to hold you in my arms, cuddle you and do mommy things that mommy’s should do. I know my time will come.
I know that I will be able to look past this day and these weeks to come and say, “ Wow, that was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through, but look what God has done.” Your fire, your strength has become an inspiration to your father and I. You are determined to shock these nurses and doctors and even to shock me and your dad.
Your big brother wants you to come home and I can’t wait to take you there and for you to see your room and sleep in your own bed.
I know they have you sedated and you aren’t in any pain, at least that is what they keep saying, but if I could take this away from you and be in your place I would. My son, rest, get strong, grow and allow God to form you and mold you into a mighty work for His glory and honor. You are already a true testimony of His power.

We love you very much,
Your mommy and daddy and Big Brother Landon