I lost my sweet girl nearly 11 weeks ago and the pain and sorrow seem to intensify. I feel like flood gates of emotion have opened. I find that previously I was trying to just keep things in check and "manage" myself and my grief. What I am learning is to simply let myself "be" and feel what I feel when I feel it. It is so very hard as I, probably like many of you, am so tired of feeling such deep sorrow and sadness. I find anger in it as I don't think it is the right way to honor my daughter. I want to "live" as opposed to feeling like a part of me has died. It is such a delicate balance. I know I will find my way, learning to be at peace with my daughter living in my heart and not in my arms. Until that time, my goal is to freely feel and "be!" Much love to all on this site! If you are a mother of a living cherub or an angel, I believe we were each chosen because of the strength and inner beauty we possess! XXoo

Like many I fear I simply "survived" Christmas this year. Between the loss of our sweet baby girl and family strife, it was nothing short of disaster. I had family visiting from Indiana (17 hours away) and I think emotions were high for all of us. I know they feel the loss too but I was also hoping for a bit of a "hall pass" when it came to lack of patience by both my husband and myself. It didn't work out that way. It was no way to honor Christ's birth or my daughter. That is the part I hate the most. I struggled on how to incorporate our daughter in to the holidays already and then got caught up in the "junk" and didn't take the opportunity. Now, all I feel is regret and sadness for all that transpired. I long to hold my sweet little girl more than anything. I even called my 3 year old daughter Ari in the middle of the night when she came and stood by my bed. Still struggling with the fact that she is not with us and that we won't be reunited until heaven's gates are opened. Of course I also have prevailing thoughts of having another baby, knowing nothing or no one would replace our little girl. Just wanted a larger family for us and for our other children. At 41 time and fear are both getting the best of me. Good news is I have a great counselor whom I am hoping will help to see me through. Either way, my heart longs for my sweet little girl......Much love and prayers to all who are impacted by this condition!

Wow! The last few days have been so very hard. We are four weeks in to grieving for our sweet angel girl Ari and it does not seem to get any easier. I read so much on this site and know there are others grieving as we are. I just breaks my heart even more. I went to the cemetary today to see my little lady and be close to her. I find it more comfortable to talk to her when I am driving and than sitting at a place where only her "shell" resides. I miss her so very much. I miss all the experiences we could have shared, I miss the love only a child can bring....As I type, I look outside at the Denver sky and see a beautiful sunset that reminds me of my lovely little lady. It warms my heart temporarily as I know there is a heaven and that is exactly where she is. Selfishly, I just want her here with me. Much love to all mothers out there!

We lost our precious baby girl just 2 1/2 weeks ago on October 25th. It was the saddest day I have ever experienced. She was absolutely beautiful and perfect on the outside. I tell myself that is why God took her after only 7 hours with us. While our doctors told us this was a possibility due to her CDH, we never imagined it would or could happen in the year 2012 as we had so much expertise and technology on our side. At birth it was discovered she virutally had no lung tissue on her left side and her right was severely underdevelped. In addition, she had a hole between the 2 bottom chambers of her heart and also an underdeveloped aorta. I think about her every second of every day and am trying to find a way to heal but honor my baby in all I do. My heart simply aches...........