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Dawn Torrence Ireland

Meeting Other Parents

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It's been an interesting week here. Last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting Corin and Nate Nava, parents of Gabriel. Such a sweet couple! I'm so glad they stopped in Raleigh. I really hope to see them in Boston when we can pull off our conference up there. There's a photo of the 3 of us in the album. They are expecting again in February - sends lots of prayers and well wishes to them!

Tuesday was Shane's angelversary. It was HARD! Well, not so bad, just harder than the past few years. It was the first time I didn't go to VA to the cemetary. I still released balloons though and talked to him a lot. But I still miss him like crazy. 8 years and my arms still ache.

Tuesday I also met Barbara Hagemann, our NC Rep. We're going to be working on several local fundraisers. I'm really excited about this!

In July I went to Ohio for the Member Picnic. It was great. Tara did such a wonderful job putting it together and she's such a great friend too. Brandon let me crash in his room. He's so big now! I can't get over it. It's been 2 months and I still can't register it in my brain. Brandon and Shane were buddies, both so little when they were last together in 1999. Now Brandon is so big. I probably would've hugged him non-stop if I didn't think I would've freaked the poor kid out! lol. He's a great kid too. Tara and Jeff have done such an awesome job.

In fact, most of my dearest friends in the world are members of CHERUBS. Brenda, Tara, Judi, Amy have been in my life for at least 9 years each and are more like family to me than friends. Alyssa holds a special place in my heart and is now one of my dearest friends too after having just met her a few months ago. Elaine and Heidi and Rhonda and Darlene so many others I also count as dear, dear friends I'd do anything for. Dawnn and Lise are fast becoming some of my dearest friends too and my humor relief as well. Lise can make me cry and laugh in same breath and I don't know what type of tears I'm crying. I honestly don't know what I'd do without all these wonderful women in my life who have held me up when I needed help and been there when my life fell apart and are still here through all these years! I love you all!

I got to meet Alyssa in April and I was blessed to hold her cherub, McKenna. McKenna holds such a special place in my heart, I can't even find the words. I'm tearing up now so I'd better hush. Look Alyssa, even when I'm not writing to you directly I tear up! haha.

I met so many other parents at the Ohio picnic as well. And the cherubs! It's so great to see meet them and see them doing so well. I have to stop calling them "my cherubs", I get rather parental over them at times. The members don't hear me talk like that but everyone else (family and friends) hear me say "one of my cherubs...." and I brag about one of the coming out of the hospital or worry out loud about one of them. I do need to get less emotionally attached, but I love my job here. I love this group, this organization, this big CDH family.

So I have a complaint... well, a few comments... this isn't "my" group. I've been asking a few members about my reputation among members. Seems since I don't socialize and talk as much as I did years ago, I got an "ice princess" reputation. Leona Helmsly I am not, my shoe closest will prove that. ;)
I'm more like the man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz rather than the big green talking head. I probably shouldn't have hid behind the curtain so much though. Grief does that to people. I retreated, I needed some alone time away from all the socializing here, I needed to get my feet back on the ground and find my place in the world again. And I have, and now I'm back. So while I won't throw up a bunch of smoke and mirrors, I won't go behind the curtain again, ok? ;)

I'm the president and founder, yeah, but I'm not the group. WE, all of us, are CHERUBS. I'm not some know-it-all spouting out fountains of information or advice. This isn't a dictatorship - we have an advisory board that works incredibly hard! I'm not on some crusade to immortalize my son's memory or make myself a martyr. CHERUBS was founded in memory of Preston and Andrea, two cherubs who didn't make it. CHERUBS was founded when I still had my son. It was founded before the internet, when there was no one and nothing to turn to for info and support. I just wanted to make sure no other CDH parents go through this alone or without info and at the end of the day, I want my son to be proud of me, knowing my heart is in the right place. I'm just a member, like everyone else, who happens to do a lot of volunteer work. I'm just content to work behind the scenes, make sure everything works for everyone, make sure everyone's happy. I do not like to be the center of attention, I am not a queen bee at all. I'm just a mom. That's all. That's how I want to be seen. How do I go about having that?

Did I mention I can be long-winded and I put my heart on my sleeve way too much? :)
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  1. DanielleKessner's Avatar
    Hey Miss 'Ice Queen'. :lol: Isn't it strange how some people thought that? It is sooooo far from the truth. I totally understand you taking a step back. I have often done this just as self preservation. It is so heart breaking sometimes and we are only human. Not to mention all your own grief you have had to deal with.

    Anyway, I am so glad to see you so active in a public way again. It's great for all the new members to get to see and know the real you. :)