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TLCSHANNON

feelings

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:( so many angels lately it seems have gone to heaven, my heart feels so sad for them, as I approach my turn at the fight against CDH, I am nervous, scared, excited and scared. I love the support and comments that I have been getting on here and the mothers who have lost their babies who still keep supporting those who havent lost yet, just amazes me. Even though I have stopped reading the heavenly angel stories, its not because I don't care, I just need the positive stories at this moment to get me through. I appreciate all the mothers who have survivors that give me advice and hope. I truly,truly believe my son Mekhaai( I had to change the spelling of his name because my 13yr old said it was bad luck if the entire family has seven letters and not him) will come home with me, I felt something the day after I got his diagnosis, the first day I spent crying with my face buried in the pillow or the carpet. Maybe he was trying to tell me something already from the womb, so even though I'm still scared, thats just my nature, I worry everyday one of my kids will get hurt, kidnapped, sick, you name it and I worry, so I am just doing what comes natural to me, I took my last sons temp about 8 times a day when he was born just in case he had meningitis or strep B, I knew I would be on top of it and at the ER quick. I still get made fun of for it, but that didn't bother me, I was ready!! I had a feeling one day that my big 70lb 7 month old puppy was going to be stolen or something bad was happening because I heard people outside my house and I assumed that they were going to try and steel him, then I told myself no, your paranoid, so my husband/fiance(i call him husband because he will be one day, he wants a big fancy wedding, I want to run off to Vegas) said where's the puppy, he went potty and didnt come back in, I immediately went outside the fence and aksed the people I had heard if they saw him and guess what, he jumped our fence and was killed instantly!! I wish I would have listened to myself, I had that feeling a few weeks before that something would happen to him. I dreamed my son would be coming home with me, and my mother also had the same dream, my son has already changed me and he hasn't even arrived yet.
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