JenniferTenney

I was reading a blog the other day of a CDH angel. It was heart breaking, but the mom said something so beautiful ... she said that before the baby was born, she prayed that if the baby was going to die, to take her quickly. But the baby lived for 37 days and the mom was thanking God for not granting her prayer. She said the days where her baby was in the hospital were some of the best days of her life. It really made me think. The days in the hospital were definitely some of the hardest days of my life ... I hated seeing my baby struggle, I hated the lack of control, I got sick of being in the hospital and I just wanted to hold my baby and take my sweet girl home. But they were also some of the best days of my life too. There were days where my husband and I were just the very best versions of ourselves. We were so strong. I was so very positive and hopeful and optimistic. All the crap of everyday life fell away, and we only worried about the most important things in life-health, life, love, and family. We really got to see how much our family loved and supported us and would go to the ends of the earth for us. And more than anything else, I was so very proud of my baby. I knew she was special, and this experience would always make her special. One of the best days was the day after Dakota got off ECMO. She was supposed to be on for 10 days minimum, but the cannula in her neck got kinked and she surprised everyone by showing she didn't need ECMO anymore! So they took her off after 3 days! And the day after she was off she was doing amazing! Great numbers and they were turning down her ventilator! I was so incredibly proud of her!!! I imagine it was like how I will feel when she gets a good report card or is performing in a dance recital. I remember a few days after that an expecting CDH family was on a NICU tour and Dr. Kays asked if he could bring them by ... we said of course. And I showed off my baby with such pride. She hadn't even had her surgery yet but I was so sure that she was going to survive and do well. She was my little fighter and even then I showed her off like "see how wonderful your baby can do?" I was a little deluded at times, but beautifully so. They really were some of the best days of my life and they made me a better person. I am so grateful for my little miracle.