JadeHunt

My Dearest, Perfect Little Liam,

It goes without saying that most days I struggle to trudge through the day. Inside, I feel so alone. It feels dark... I really don't like to be in the dark. When these feelings creep up on me and overcome me completely, it is only this one thought that comforts me: When God calls me to Heaven, I will immediately be handed the ULTIMATE gift- a gift that far surpasses any hope or dream. That gift is: YOU! When I get to Heaven, I will finally get to hold you, hear you babble, see your little face, look into your deep blue eyes- you have the wisest eyes that always seem to tell a story- your story. I'll get to hear you cry- a sound I continue to long for. You and I will be together for all eternity, never to part again. There you'll be: My precious Little Peanut; My Little Lion!

When I think of this, I realize that God has blessed me- even if I don't understand why he did it this way. Not many people have a perfect bundle of love and beauty waiting for them upon arrival. And I am grateful to God for giving me you- even if it was for a short time. Actually, you and I go WAY back, Liam. You and I go back to that September day that I found out you were coming into our lives. I will never forget the look on your Daddy's face- a look of pure excitement and joy! I did nothing but giggle- a giddy expecting mother, I suppose! I carried you and kept you safe for 9 months. I felt your every move- a cherished them all! Liam, I wish I could have kept you safe on the outside, too! I'm so sorry, My Precious Boy! For reasons we are not privy to, I couldn't. I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure out why, or maybe one day I'll have enough strength to comes to terms with the fact that there is no reason, "why." Either way, I hope I find peace. I know that you feel peace. You are healthy and thriving. You are smiling, laughing, and breathing. Breathing on your own! I cannot wait until I see you breathe on your own!

When I think of seeing you in Heaven, I think of a song that Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton sang entitled, "When I Get Where I'm Going." I heard that song on the radio for the first time in years on Thanksgiving Day. I was thinking of you, missing you and it came on the radio. It was the perfect time and perfect moment! I needed to hear that song, with those beautiful lyrics! That song reminds me of you, Liam. It's my favorite song!

Here are the lyrics that I love the most:

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.

I'm gonna land beside a LION
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain.

Yeah, when I get where I'm goin'
There'll be only happy tears
I'll shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm goin'
Don't cry for me down here.

I LOVE YOU SO, SO MUCH, LIAM ANTHONY! God Bless You, My Precious Angel! Until I get up to you, I'll see you in my heart and my dreams!

Love ALWAYS,
Momma