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Hope

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Good Morning, Liam Anthony,

I was reading the news and my e-mail this morning and read a "warning" e-mail about ways gangs and other criminals, specifically male, are trying to trap women, with the intention of doing unspeakable things to them. I got to thinking, "Why are people like this left on Earth?" It seems to me that the world would want to have less of these individuals and more like you, Liam. I dawned on me, God really does handpick his Angels! He must because who would want to be surrounded by such toxic people? I certainly don't. This thought gives me comfort in knowing that you are surrounded by only good people. People that love you, will protect you and always want the best for you. Liam, although I'd do ANYTHING to have you back in my arms, I truly believe that you are in a far better place than we are! There are so many things here that I couldn't and can't protect you and Landon from- this scares me to death. If I could put you both in a bubble with just your Daddy and I- I would! Obviously this isn't realistic, but it was worth the stretch anyway. The more I write to you, and work to gain understanding realtive to why God chose you to come to Him so soon, I realize that God is trying to tell me something. I still,a s hard as I try, don't fully understand it. I know, with out a shadow of a doubt, that God only wants and needs the good and pure. You, My Dear, Liam were brought into this world surrounded by great love. You were brought in the world for a great purpose! I tell you and Landon that you both are going to make this world a better place! I am convinced that you both, in your own ways, are doing just that!

I could never have asked for two more perfect, more beautiful children! I am blessed, even though I don't always feel that way. God does care and does love us, even though we are really angry with Him right now. Does everything happen for a reason? Perhaps. I still struggle with that one. I want to know the reason behind this- it's got to be a doosy. Maybe I'll never really know. Maybe Pastor is right in that I may never have my questions answered until I join you in Heaven. By the time I get there, I won't care what the answers are because I will have you! Having you would answer all my questions, dry all my tears, hush all my worries, and make me whole!

Each day things happen that make me heal a bit more and start to feel "ok" again. Yesterday I felt this when I wrote to you, as I do every day. Writing to you makes me feel closer to you. Liam, I know that you haven't gone far, but there are times when I feel like I'm lightyears away. Writing to you has been great therapy for me. I always talk to you and Iknow that you hear me, but when I write to you I seem to answer some of the little questions I have. It's like all my feelings and thoughts fall down on the keyboard and you are nudging me along as if to say, "See, Mom. I told you!" The other thing that helped me yesterday happened last night when I was laying in bed with your brother. Every night before bed, I kiss your pictures and your urn and say my "goodnight shpeel," as I call it. When I get into bed, I always look up to you and blow you kisses and tell you that I love you. Lats night, after I had done this, your brother took his binkie out of his mouth, blew you two kisses and said, "I love you, Liam! You're my brother!" A midst tears I snuggled Landon into me, told him I loved him so, so much and looked up to you and said, "Thank you, Liam! I love you, Peanut!" I slept better than I have in weeks! Things like this give me hope.

God Bless You, Liam! I love you TO THE MOON AND BACK A TRILLION TIMES!

All my love for all eternity,
Momma
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