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A New Week

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Hello, My Gorgeous Boy!

It was such a long, difficult weekend and I'm grateful that we made it through in one piece! Thank God for our wonderful church! I look forward to Sunday worship and feel enlightened and some peace when I am driving back home. Pastor and Sandy Jo are really helping me with maintaining my faith in God. The grieving process and all that it encompasses really tests your faith and can make or break you, so to speak. I am trying to lean on God, let Him walk with me, and carry me when I need Him to. I know that you are in God's arms, safe, healthy and happy. Heaven must be such a beautiful place! There is no pain, no sorrow, no fear, nothing that has any negative conotation. I take comfort in knowing that when God calls me to you, the struggle will be over. No more tears, no more boo-boo's, as Landon would say!

Your passing has forced me to see life and death in a completely different light. I am no longer afraid of dying because I know that you will be there waiting for me to pick you up and hold you tight. I wish-with all my heart and soul- that you were still with us! I wish that learning certain lessons about life didn't come at the cost of a loved one. Why did it take losing you for us to want to learn, live life as we should, and love a little more? I would give anything to have you back! I wish I could have gone in your place. I may never know why God took you so soon. I just ask that I come to terms with not having answers and being able to live our life not searching to have every answer to every question. Maybe given time, I will be able to let go a little bit more.

Saying that reminds me of a quote I heard once. I probably don't have it word for word, but it goes something like this:

"Dying is not always about giving up. Sometimes it is having the strength and courage to let go and be free."

I think of this quote a lot and it reminds me of you. You, My Dear Liam, did not given up, but rather had the strength and courage to free yourself of the struggles and pain. In a way, you freed us as well. You freed us from the agony of watchin gyou in pain and trying to cry and not being able to help you in any way. Seeing you in pain and knowing that you wanted to cry, but you couldn't make any noise haunts me. There is nothing worse as a mother, or parent, then seeing your child in pain and agony and not being able to do anything about it. When your brother bumps his head, or some other body part, he runs up to me and says, "Kiss it better, Momma!" So, I pick him up, snuggle him in my arms and kiss him better. I couldn't do that for you. I wanted more than anything for it to be that easy for you! I wanted to make it all go away and make the sun shine for you, and I couldn't. I know that that's not my fault, and that it was completely out of my hands, but even still, I wish I could have helped you, Liam!

Oh, I forgot to tell you, although you already know, but Uncle Jeff and Auntie Kristina had their baby this weekend. For 8 months, they thought they were having a little girl- painted the nursery, bought little girl things, the whole gammut- but SURPRISE! It was a little BOY! They have yet to name him, as they were NOT prepared for a little boy. Daddy and I had 9 months to choose names for you and Landon, and as luck would have it, they suit you perfectly! Uncle Jeff and Auntie Kristina had taken such time and great thought into a little girl's name, but he certainly cannot be an Amelia- although I love that name!

I love you, Liam Anthony Hunt! And although I am extremely happy for Uncle Jeff and Auntie Kristina, times like these make me miss you that much more- if that's even possible! I hope that given time, I will be stronger and more courageous. I know if you have your way, I will be! Just as we look out for you and want the best for you, I know that you want the same for us! We want you to know how special and loved you are, Liam! We always want you to be proud of us! Everybody says you already are proud of us! I believe that to be true, just as I know and can feel how much you love us! You ARE OUR HERO, LIAM!

God Bless You, My Beautiful Peanut!
All My Love and Pride Forever,
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