JadeHunt

Hello, My Gorgeous Angel,

Yesterday brought some very heart-wrenching news. Upon meeting with our lawyers about the car accident you and I were in while you were in my tummy, it was made clear that my MRSA infection and surgeries did not affect you in ANY way. This was such good news to hear, as it creates a bit more peace in knowing that what I had didn't harm you. The troubling news came when they read me your records from Boston. They found some very interesting-not in a good way- things that happened after your birth that could have compromised your health- and could possibly made your condition much worse than what it initially was. It was noted that in terms of your RCDH, you did quite well. I will not go into great detail as I have already prayed to you and God about all of this, but my heart has broken again. It seems that when you answer one question, 300 more arise. I'm angry- understandbly so! I just want answers! I know I will never have answers to all my questions, but I want answers to some of them- as many as possible. I want to know what happened to you. I want to know if something that shouldn't have happened, did in fact happen. I guess that it's natural for a parent in my position to feel this way. Any parent would want answers and any parent would be continuously asking "why?" Now there is so much room for more of those "why?" questions. I'm a wreck- the same way, if not worse, than the wreck I was when you passed away. I just... I'm so angry and heartbroken and devastated and confused. I know that we have two amazing lawyers who are always looking out for our best interest. I know that they will help answer some of my questions and help piece this awful puzzle together. This journey is like a terrible nightmare that I will never wake up from and they pain will never go away. I feel like, even more so, that you should still be here! What happened? What went wrong?

Liam, I am so sorry that I could help you or save you! I feel like I completely failed you! I'm your Momma and I'm supposed to protect you and make everything better and I couldn't. Everything was completely out of my control and I hate that! I hate feeling and being out of control! I'm so sorry, My Perfect Boy!

My eyes are tired and burn from crying. My stomach hurts from churning. I feel feverish and dizzy. All of those feelings bring me back to the day you passed away. I just feel guilty and like a terrible Momma.

I love you with all my heart and soul, Liam Anthony Hunt! God bless you and keep you! I hope that you are still proud of me and know that everyone did everything they could to help you! I'm so sorry, Angel! I just don't know what more to say...

All My Love FOREVER AND EVER, AMEN,
Momma