Kelly Eaton

Today went blessedly fast. I am such an odd place.
The best I can explain is that I have given Anya up to God. I haven't given up on her, but I no longer worry if she will die, even though I don't want her to. If she has a chance at life, if Dr. Kays thinks she has a chance at life, we will give her that chance. If not we will lovingly let her go.
I am excited about the consult at Shands but full of forboding about it as well. I am worried that we will decide to go down there and we will not be back for such a long time that we will never recover from it. I worry about missing out on Arwen's first days of next school year, missing out on so much of her life. I am worried that Anya will come out of this with such severe complications that she will never have any quality of life. Will it be possible to stop before that happens? I don't want to torture her.
It is so hard to decide when to start treatment and when to stop, and I really hope that I can get the answers to these questions.