vikhunter

Like many I fear I simply "survived" Christmas this year. Between the loss of our sweet baby girl and family strife, it was nothing short of disaster. I had family visiting from Indiana (17 hours away) and I think emotions were high for all of us. I know they feel the loss too but I was also hoping for a bit of a "hall pass" when it came to lack of patience by both my husband and myself. It didn't work out that way. It was no way to honor Christ's birth or my daughter. That is the part I hate the most. I struggled on how to incorporate our daughter in to the holidays already and then got caught up in the "junk" and didn't take the opportunity. Now, all I feel is regret and sadness for all that transpired. I long to hold my sweet little girl more than anything. I even called my 3 year old daughter Ari in the middle of the night when she came and stood by my bed. Still struggling with the fact that she is not with us and that we won't be reunited until heaven's gates are opened. Of course I also have prevailing thoughts of having another baby, knowing nothing or no one would replace our little girl. Just wanted a larger family for us and for our other children. At 41 time and fear are both getting the best of me. Good news is I have a great counselor whom I am hoping will help to see me through. Either way, my heart longs for my sweet little girl......Much love and prayers to all who are impacted by this condition!