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juliedobbs

Bryson Alexander Dobbs First Year Annivesary January 4, 2012

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We Remember:

The room was silent. You could hear a pin drop. There was no movement around me. My world as I knew it stopped. As I held his lifeless body in my arms, my heart ached. My stomach was in knots and every part of me hurt. Tears flowed uncontrollably and all I could do was just look at him. Nothing else mattered. I didn’t want to take my eyes off him for I knew that this would be the last time I would see him here on this earth.

I wanted to scream, yell out “ do something” but I couldn’t make a sound. I couldn’t move. I was helpless as my baby was helpless lying in my arms. His color was blue/gray and his body was so heavy. The weight of his tiny body and the weight of this burden felt like it was suffocating me. I could not breathe. The emotions were riveting, and the pain was uncontrollable. I felt nothing but his little body next to mine and the presence of God. In the midst of the pain, and sorrow there was peace. A indescribable peace that filled that room as if the Lord was standing there himself. As I prayed for him, and held him in my arms I felt God’s loving arms wrap around me. He was not only holding my son, but he was holding me too. My husband beside me was sobbing and I knew that this was it. The time had come.

Lovingly kissing him and hugging him, my senses were in overdrive. I could smell every part of him, the fresh soap from his very first bath. I felt his soft baby skin and tiny fingers as I held his little hand in mine. I could hear nothing, even though later I was told there were people in and out of that room. I heard nothing, but just hearing my voice as I sang to him through those 33 days. I tasted my tears as they fell down my face onto his soft, blue blanket but most of all I could see him. For a mother’s memory is a wonderful thing. I saw him as a boy, the healthy boy that would have grown up to be a football player, a concert pianist, or a scholar at Harvard. I saw his life flash by and yet all that he knew was just that hospital room but all that he will ever remember is just being with Jesus. The pain and suffering that he endured here would be no longer and it was wiped clean. He will have no recollection of things passed only what is in his future.

I could see his little eyes, even though they were shut, swollen like golf balls. I could see them opened as big as quarters as they were just a couple days before. He was my brown eyed little boy. I saw them looking at me, following my husbands and my voice, trying desperately to see us. And then it hit me. Almost like it just dawned on me at that very moment that he was made new. Here on earth the doctors worked so hard to put him back together and fix him. They had done that successfully. There was nothing wrong with him anymore. The scars from his surgeries were already beginning to heal and his lungs and heart were working and fighting for his life. The complications he was born with was not what took his life. He died of a complete unrelated cause that ended up costing his precious little life. That was when I realized that God had called him home. God wanted him home with Him more than I wanted to carry my son home. He loved him more that I do. As he was surrounded by family and loved ones here, he was surrounded by angels and loved ones and our heavenly father there in heaven. Nothing can harm him anymore. No infection, no disesase, no defects.

Moments went by and time was of essence. His little body was getting cold and beginning to harden. One of the nurses came by with warming blankets and put them on him to keep him warm. They would have continued to do that for as long as we wanted, but it was at that moment when I said to myself ok. Enough. There is nothing more that we can do. I have given him all of my love, efforts, and we have done everything we can possibly do. Now its time to let go and let God. I looked at my husband and our eyes met. The brokenness and pain showed through each tear that fell. Even through our blurry vision we still could see each other. We never spoke words, it was just understood. I took his little body, as I was the last one to hold him, and kissed him one more time for was going to be the last time I felt that little cheek against my lips, and I said, in a soft whisper, “ I love you, and your mommy and daddy will see you later. Its not goodbye just see you later.” I handed him over to the nurse and they began to take off his clothes and gave me back his belongings. They wrapped him in the blankets and he laid there on his bed. As I remembered him laying there on the bed, he wore a little cap for his head, and I could see his outline of his face, his puffy cheeks and nose and lips and that was the last time I was going to see him. I turned around and walked out of his room. I knew he was being held by my Lord now. All that love could do was done.

That day he was supposed to graduate into his private room in the hospital but I realize that he did graduate in his private room, it was his private mansion that God prepared special for him. His name was on his door “ Bryson Alexander Dobbs.” The place we know and call Heaven.

This is Bryson’s journey to that place.

John 14:2-3

“ In my Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have
told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am,
there ye may be also.”
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Comments

  1. MariaFarnsworth's Avatar
    God Bless You All, Julie.

    My heart just goes out to you & your family. Not a day goes by that I don't pray for peace, comfort and solace.

    As I've told Jade, the days will not get easier for to me there is no greater loss, I believe the days become bearable.

    Know how very much you are all thought of and loved.

    Maria
    Nonna to Angel CHERUB Liam ("The Lion") Anthony Hunt
  2. vikhunter's Avatar
    What a beautiful description of such tender moments with your son and with God. I am so very sorry that your sweet boy is not here with you. However, he (like my sweet daughter Ari) has been made new and whole, and resides in heaven where there is only love and light! As I think of my daughter, I often think of the Beatles song Blackbird....the lyrics "Take these broken wings and learn to fly." That is exactly what our children have done! My prayers are with you on this anniversary and always! XXOO