kwilliams

Its been a month since I was last on here. I have had so much on my mind and so much going on that I haven't really been able to put much into words really. Delaney has been doing well at her check ups and has passed all of her little exams. She is practicing her breathing even. She also has grown. She put on 1lb 1oz in three weeks, which the doctor said she wouldn't do that much. She is also still active and moves almost constantly. I, however, have been feeling more panicky and worried that she won't make it. In fact some days I feel almost convinced that she won't and then I sink into a weird state of half depression half strength or something. I'm not sure what causes these thoughts or feelings. I have no physical reason to feel like this. If anything I should be more convinced than ever that she's a fighter and going to make it. I don't know if its just because I haven't been sleeping well and have had a lot of the Braxton hicks contractions or what. I will just all of a sudden get a panicked feeling that I've lost her and I mean I panic, I even have a hard time breathing for a few minutes. I know I feel unsettled as far as her room and things go. I think everyone is going to wait on a baby shower until after she is here and doing well. So we have nothing for when she arrives. I don't really know what to do about these thoughts and feelings. I'm 32 weeks tomorrow. I know she is doing okay, and she still responds to my touch. Has anyone else panicked like this? I still have 6 more weeks of appointments and so far it doesn't look like I won't be able to make it, so why panic?