AshleyG

We are getting ready to go pick up our daughter from the hospital this evening. She has been there with right sided CDH and it's challenges for 7 weeks. We knew how blessed we were her first week of life when she seemed to have come out strong and was able to have the repair surgery later on that same week and did well through all of it. She was even eating well for awhile, but a repeat barium swallow showed that a lot of the feed was getting into her lung and it was decided that a g-tube which will hopefully only be temporary would be the best thing for her now. Because she has no other issues she is able to come home at what I now know is pretty decent amount of time considering.

Today is very bittersweet and you can bet I've had a cry or two and will probably have a few more. I can remember the day in November when the doctor diagnosed it and showed me her practice breathing to confirm it on the ultrasound. He told me that I should strongly consider aborting the baby and when I told him it was not an option, he discussed palliative care in depth for several hours. I sat in the parking garage for an hour shaking and unable to stop crying. Since then we've been through so many ups and downs. It looked like she might do well when they took ultrasounds and an MRI closer to Christmas. But then the week before she was born, another MRI was done and all of her liver and other stomach contents were up in the right chest at that point. We had another grim discussion with the doctor.

A few days later, and 2 weeks prior to her due date I found myself in the hospital for "fetal monitoring", only to find out that the baby was coming out that night. I have never been so afraid in my life. I knew she was "safe" as long as she stayed in utero and was afraid to push. I wasn't going to be able to handle it if my baby came out not breathing.

I was dilated at 7 cm and barely feeling anything when we got there in the evening. A half hour later I was 9cm and started feeling some intense contractions. At least 10 people were in the room rushing to get a room for me to deliver, consents, and the epidural ready. After only 3 hours, Ava arrived and we heard a cry. My husband said she looked strong and he knew it was going to be ok, but I wasn't so sure.

So here we are today, and I can't even begin to describe what I feel. As we take advantage of the beautiful weekend ahead and show Ava a world outside of the hospital walls for the first time, I will not forget how truly blessed we are to be doing so. My heart goes out to anyone who did not get that opportunity and to those expecting and feeling afraid right now. Sometimes thinking of those situations makes be feel guilty, but I cannot say enough about our support system and how they have helped us work through all of these emotions.

Lastly, when I looked through the drawer for a going home outfit for today, I found a onesie that seemed fitting. It simply says "somebunny loves me." Someone truly does love her and is looking out for her and us as a family. I know there are still some issues we may run into along the way, but they seem so minor in comparison to thoughts of what could have been.