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AngelicaL

My Pregnancy so far and how I deal

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In January of 2014 we found out that we were expecting this pregnancy was not planned. Yes we did plan on more children after our first but due to financials/Jobs and living arrangements this was very difficult to plan. God decided to throw us a curveball at a point in our lives where we would be struggling to survive the most in our lives together as a family. Finding out that we were expecting was very confusing we wanted to be happy but due to situations surrounding us this was difficult and we learned that not all were excited due to our circumstances which is fine to each its own. On April 9th we went in to find out the sex of the baby and yeah we have another PRINCESS to bless the world with. As a frightening surprise we also learned that she has CDH which is congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. We were lost our chance to enjoy and celebrate with others that we will be having a Girl was robbed. What does this mean? well this means that her Diaphragm simply did not fully form/fuse together in the 7-10 wk gestational period as the diaphragm grows in 3 sections that eventually are supposed to connect and fuse as one piece. Why? well heck IDK i had many people ask me ... How did this happen? What did you or didn't you do to cause this? Did you use drugs? How could you have prevented this? Is there something that you did? why? why? why? and this put extremely negative thoughts into my head how could people i love people that i care about think i either 1 did/didn't do something to cause this to my child and or worse of my character. I started to actually believe that some way some how I was at fault for what is happening to her. I was referred to a specialist who explained its more common the people know 1 in every 2,500 which sounds like a small number but really its not considering millions are born daily it averages about 40 a day, from research I have read thats like 600 babies a yr if not more. I was told NO MOM you have done nothing to cause this there is NOTHING you COULD have done to prevent this it all comes down to genetics. I was told this could be fixed with a simple surgery Then another curve ball sometimes CDH is linked to Chromosomal diseases and its a possibility she may have down syndrome, Autism, some type of Chromosomal disease. My heart sank to the bottom of my belly i felt like i swallowed a brick more like a cinder block, I was given the option to terminate my pregnancy even though i was over 3 months along that for me and Rusty was not an option God has this planned for us and no matter the difficulties we may face if she had something as severe we would deal with it we would find a way to embrace her differences all though terminating would be the easy permanent way her life means just as much to us as Aeyda's. I had testing done and after thee longest 2wks of my life 100% NO chromosomal diseases perfectly normal other then the CDH. Now I am being told that she will be placed on a ventilator following birth and surgery after she is determined stable and that her body can handle it also she will be placed on a feeding tube recovery averages about 1-6 months, and depending if her lungs are too underdeveloped she will need to be placed on a machine called ECMO which if you research seems extremely scary which i think kinda is considering that any child born needing any kind of assistance to keep them from failing is scary. They say they can't determine whether or not she will need the machine according to her ultrasound she is borderline 50/50. This pregnancy has been the wildest roller coaster ever with a ton of unexpected loops followed by a bunch of downs some seem steeper than others a few ups and a bunch of coasting.I know that there are people out there with doubts what if's and what nots but Truth of the matter is as close to losing my faith that i have reached I not once lost it completely. I know that God hears me when i call unto him HE hears my cries HE hears my prayers HE HEARS me. For whatever reason this is God's plan and I will not question it as hard as it may be I am ready for it maybe not 100% but I am ready to let him do his work within my heart within my life within my princess, This Pregnancy is not a burden and if it is its mine to carry with the help of the Lord I will embrace this pregnancy just as though I did with my first daughter I will keep my faith I will not allow doubts to enter me regarding her I will not allow negativity regarding my situation to enter my life. I rely on God and I have accepted possibilities and outcomes but i have Faith that he will work his miracles and that everything will be ok. Im looking forward to the rest of my pregnancy and cant wait to meet my Princess!
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