An Apology
by
, 10-06-2011 at 08:08 AM (3397 Views)
I am not very technologically savy, so I cannot figure out to delete a blog entry that hurt a very good friend of mine. I wrote the blog in a fit of sadness, devastation and fear, never imagining that this friend would read it. I joined this site to connect to families who know exactly how my husband and I feel. This site has been a huge blessing and the women I have met and connected with all hold a very special place in my heart! I never expected others to read it. The truth is, it is impossible to understand how I am feeling unless you are going through the same things and have been riding the same rollercoaster that my husband and I have since Liam passed. I knew that if someone on the "outside," so to speak, read this, my thoughts, feelings and emotions would be misunderstood and would come off as hurtful, offensive and insensitive.
I want to apologize to this friend. The truth of the matter is: I do care about how she and her baby boy are doing, and I do want to see picturs of him and receive updates, but I'm just not ready. I am SO jealous of them! When I wrote that blog, I was angry at someone else, not her. I was angry at someone who has been incredibly insensitive, disrespectful and hurtful during this traumatic and already devastating time. This person has only added to the pain and devastation that we are already enduring.
I never meant to hurt my friend, and if I ever had an inkling that she would read this and be hurt, I never would have wrote it. My intentions were not to hurt anyone. I needed to vent and get my feelings out. My hope is, in doing this venting and talking, that I gain some understanding as to why this happened to my gorgeous Liam, my husband, our son Landon, and I. I cannot wrap my head aorund it, and don't know that I ever will.
Someone that is supposed to be family and supposed to be supportive and loving said, "God only gives us what we deserve and we should accept it as whole." I honestly don't know how anyone could say this to us! This comment, among many of her others, gives new meaning to the term, "Ignorance is bliss." We NEVER deserved to lose our son! Nobody ever deserves to lose a child! All I want is to have my Liam back! People ask us what we need or want and the answer always is and will always be the same: We want Liam! Nobody can give him back to us and that is ALL we want and all we will ever want! I dread the day that Dustin and I have to explain to Landon what happened to our Precious Liam, and why Liam is home with us. The thought of that kills me!
From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry that I hurt my friend! I pray that she, her husband, and their son stay healthy and happy. I really do want the best for them! I hope that she can forgive me and understand that I am going through a process, and whether I mean to or not, I say and do things that are really parts of the process.
**Liam, help Momma to be strong and brave! Thank you for watching over Daddy, Landon and I and for keeping us safe and healthy! We know you are with us everywhere we go, with everything we do. We feel your little arms around us, and your precious little hands in ours! God Bless You, Liam Anthony Hunt! We love you more than life itself! We miss you more with each passing day! WE LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK, PEANUT! XOXOXOXO! ALL OUR LOVE, Momma, Daddy, Landon, and Lucy**
Jade