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Thread: Wife wants a divorce

  1. #1
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    Wife wants a divorce

    After being separated for 8 months last year to take care of anger issues, we got back together. Three months later she's been back and forth between thinking it isn't going to work out and wanting it to work on the marriage. She finally agreed to Marriage counseling last week with the counselor I started going to, just to get on my case about something that needed to be done (and should've been done sooner than what it was). We got into a argument about that among other things, and she said it's over, so I went to the appointment by myself. After my session, I went to talk with her thinking after calming down she would want to talk things over. Instead she says she's done and wants out of the marriage. I done my share of wrongs as anyone else has, and I'm not denying that fact. With everything else that's happened and now this. I'm finding myself wondering "now what"? She knows that in a year's time, we lost our son, I lost my dad to cancer and a near and dear friend of mine of 15 yrs. I'm just not sure about what to do at this time or if I should do anything about it seeing it's been a volatile relationship and marriage from the beginning. Any suggestions on moving forward without letting what's to be left behind weighing me down?
    Ben Hastings father to cherub Luke Hastings August 24-27, 2012.

  2. #2
    I'm so sorry it's come to this... You are both grieving and both handling it in very different ways.

    Grief is a terrible monster that stresses the strongest of families. When there are already other issues & influences... It's amazing more relationships don't fail.

    I don't know you except through here, but from what's been said it sounds like you are trying to do whatever you can to get honor Luke's memory by trying to make things better with his momma, but relationships are a two way street. If only one person is moving towards togetherness & the other is running away, they will never come together. I can't tell you what to do, but having gone though a divorce I can tell you it is possible to heal after divorce. It will take time, but it is possible.

    (FYI: I'm now almost 21 years into my 2nd marriage, so I speak with experience)

    Be gentle to yourself and give yourself all the time you need to find your way again.

    Sending prayers!
    Shelly Moore
    Shelly Moore
    CHERUBS Oregon Representative and Oregon Hospital Angel
    CHERUBS Prayer Committee Member
    CHERUBS Parental Advisory Board Member (2013-2015)
    Email: oregon@cherubs-cdh.org
    Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/Teckiemom

    Grandmother to cherub angel Jayden, the only son to my born to youngest daughter, Alicia.

    Jayden was diagnosed with CDH at his 17 week ultrasound with severe LCDH, stomach, intestines up as well as having polycystic kidneys. He was born February 19, 2010 at 36 weeks gestation.

    Jayden spent 7 days on ECMO after which he was working on gaining strength for surgery when his polycystic kidneys started failing at about day 15, totally failing by day 19.

    Jayden spent 4 days on dialysis before gaining his wings on March 14, 2010 at age 23 days.

    Remembering Jayden - A Family's Journey in Coping with Loss to CDH
    http://rememberingjayden.blogspot.com/

    Jayden's CDH Story 2/19/10 - 3/14/10
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fKsAsMS_ZA

  3. #3
    Shelly has the best advice....don't be hard on yourself, for relationships are a two way street and she has to give just has much. Take the time you need and put yourself first. You have been through so much in the last year, you both have. I can't even imagine losing a child and how it affects a relationship.

    Praying you will find peace in the future that lies ahead, whichever decision you make.
    Tracy - mom to Ian, LCDH diagnosed at birth, 4/3/04. Ian was born at 36 weeks, spent 53 1/2 days in NICU, 7 days on ECMO, surgery was on day 5, 29 days on a vent, 23 days was an oscillating vent, 546 days on oxygen. Inguinal right and left hernias and undescended left testicle surgeries were done on day 48. Currently has heart related medical issues and exercise induced asthma, but is one happy, happy boy!! Also mom to Cole - 13, Shane - 9, and Toby - 4. CHERUBS Parent Advisory Board Member and Co-Chair, Volunteer Co-Coordinator, and Wyoming State Representative.
    email: tmeats@cherubs-cdh.org

  4. #4
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    I have some good news. As of August 4th, we've been talking and are presently working on our marriage as well as going to marriage counseling to work on issues previously not addressed before. It's not where we'd like it to be, but it's far better than it previously was.
    Ben Hastings father to cherub Luke Hastings August 24-27, 2012.

  5. #5
    That is great news Ben....so happy for you two. Praying for strength for you and your wife as you begin to work through everything and I hope you both come out happier on the other side.
    Tracy - mom to Ian, LCDH diagnosed at birth, 4/3/04. Ian was born at 36 weeks, spent 53 1/2 days in NICU, 7 days on ECMO, surgery was on day 5, 29 days on a vent, 23 days was an oscillating vent, 546 days on oxygen. Inguinal right and left hernias and undescended left testicle surgeries were done on day 48. Currently has heart related medical issues and exercise induced asthma, but is one happy, happy boy!! Also mom to Cole - 13, Shane - 9, and Toby - 4. CHERUBS Parent Advisory Board Member and Co-Chair, Volunteer Co-Coordinator, and Wyoming State Representative.
    email: tmeats@cherubs-cdh.org

  6. #6
    Glad to hear. Hope everything works out.
    Felecia Marie Woodruff- CHERUBS Volunteer
    Pennsylvania State Representative, Awareness Committee Leader, Parent Advisory Board Member

    Daughter, Hayden, DOB October 8th, 2009. CHERUB SURVIVOR son, Bryson, DOB July 30th, 2012 born at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.
    21 Days ECMO, 6 Days Oscillator Ventilator, Day 32 CDH Surgery, Day 35 Got to hold him for the 1st time, 25 Days Conventional Ventilator plus 21 Days while on ECMO, 4 Days CPAP, 17 Days Nasal Cannulas, Day 90 Came Home from the NICU
    Bryson's Facebook page: www.facebook.com/brysonsbattleprayerpage
    My Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/felecia.woodruff
    Email: fwoodruff@cherubs-cdh.org | awareness@cherubs-cdh.org

  7. #7
    Hope everything continues to get better for you.
    Amanda Mother of Liz born 09/09/2002 with LCDH,Emily 05/27/2005. Liz was diagnosed at 12 weeks in uetro 90 percent of left diaphragm missing. Gortex patch put in at 3 days old. Ever abdominal organ other then kidneys herniated. Born at 38 weeks, 6 lbs 11oz. Born in Hamilton ON. Hospitalized for 6 weeks. Rehirniated at age 6 and 3 surgeries age 10 almost lost my Cherub again. Duplication cysts on her stomach. Reflux and on going GI issues.

  8. #8
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    Unfortunately I've come to find out what kind of person my almost ex wife is and am in the process of ending the marriage. Nothing but excessive drama thruoghout the relationship and marriage.

  9. #9
    I am so very sorry Ben....praying you find peace.
    Tracy - mom to Ian, LCDH diagnosed at birth, 4/3/04. Ian was born at 36 weeks, spent 53 1/2 days in NICU, 7 days on ECMO, surgery was on day 5, 29 days on a vent, 23 days was an oscillating vent, 546 days on oxygen. Inguinal right and left hernias and undescended left testicle surgeries were done on day 48. Currently has heart related medical issues and exercise induced asthma, but is one happy, happy boy!! Also mom to Cole - 13, Shane - 9, and Toby - 4. CHERUBS Parent Advisory Board Member and Co-Chair, Volunteer Co-Coordinator, and Wyoming State Representative.
    email: tmeats@cherubs-cdh.org

  10. #10
    So sorry Ben. I'm sure it cant be easy but I hope you find happiness.
    Amanda Mother of Liz born 09/09/2002 with LCDH,Emily 05/27/2005. Liz was diagnosed at 12 weeks in uetro 90 percent of left diaphragm missing. Gortex patch put in at 3 days old. Ever abdominal organ other then kidneys herniated. Born at 38 weeks, 6 lbs 11oz. Born in Hamilton ON. Hospitalized for 6 weeks. Rehirniated at age 6 and 3 surgeries age 10 almost lost my Cherub again. Duplication cysts on her stomach. Reflux and on going GI issues.

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