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Thread: Berrios, Jaila

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    Berrios, Jaila

    My husband and I were really excited to learn if at our eighteen week check if we were having our second boy or girl. We were pleased to find out that we were having a baby girl. The very next day our world changed. My OB/GYN wasn’t his normal happy self and my heart dropped when he said something was wrong. He tried to explain what CDH was but we were frozen. The next following months were a series of learning as much as I could about the birth defect, an ultrasound twice or more a month, and an emotional rollercoaster.

    I could tell by all the ultrasound pictures that not only were she already beautiful but she looked like her sister and father. I decided on naming her Jaila for no reason other than the fact that her siblings names started with J. I just wanted her to fit in with others.

    A week before her scheduled birth, I felt like I was crazy from anxiety. I was feeling all that one person could feel at one time. I was happy and at the same time I was depressed. The day before the delivery, I ate at Ruby Tuesday and tried to stay calm because I didn’t want the baby to stress out. My husband seemed nervous but okay at the same time. I know deep down he was feeling the same as I. I just hope that he was ready for the next day.

    The day of delivery was very exciting as if Santa was near and I was a four year old. I was calm considering what I knew was about to happen. I was rolled on the operating table about 12:45pm. Jaila was delivered at 1:18pm and immediately there were problems and everyone knew it. She couldn’t cry, scream, or breathe. As she came out she looked at her father as if she was requesting his help and later he told me how helpless at that moment he had felt. About two hours later the nurse called me while I was in recovery for permission to place her on ECMO. I said yes but that cause more problems. Eventually her doctor called my husband and said he had done everything he could do and he didn’t think she would make it through the night. My husband I made the decision that we didn’t want her to suffer any longer and we pulled the plugs and held her until she died in our arms. Jaila wouldn’t have survived for as long as she did if it wasn’t for technology. She was pronounced dead at 10: 24pm and then came more cries from the parents. We continued to hold her until it got to hard so we gave her to the nurse.

    Five days later we had a memorial and she was even more beautiful in her death. I love so much and everyday is a struggle without my baby Jaila. The only thing that soothes the pain is knowing that one day I’ll see her again and God is perfect and makes no mistakes. Knowing Jaila in my tummy for nine months and the nine hours she was on earth I completely understand why God needed something so beautiful to take to heaven. He could brag about the flower he got from me. Clearly only heaven could handle something as beautiful as my cherub in heaven, Jaila Berrios.

    Written by Jaila’s mom, Latoya Berrios
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